This game came off the back of The Badgers' demoralising defeat only 3 minutes previously, and, as can be imagined, team morale was low.
Chief Scout Ben Wheatland informed the Holy Management Trio before the kick-off that Bantz had previously been epic, winning their last league without losing a game. Tony Breslin looked visibly shocked as he entered the pre-match press conference, but was typically bullish as he stated firmly that "We will not conceed in the first minute. What happens after that is anyone's guess". After fielding a quesiton about midfielder Charlie Carter's alleged sexual exploits with Imogen Thomas from one nosey reporter, Breslin was heard muttering to The Badgers' Press Officer Ben Wheatland that he would "get him. We'll ban him from next week". Breslin has form with banning journalists from his press conferences, with no fewer than 371 receiving bans since his installation as One-Third Manager just over a year ago.
With stalwart 'keeper Matt Clark fancying himself on pitch in this game, stand-in Captain Josh "Butterfingers" Staniforth bit the bullet and donned his trusty over-sized foam goalkeeping gloves, complete with superglue, which Staniforth maintains is to "aid handling" as opposed to One-Third Manager Ben Wheatland's private claim that the glue is for "Cheating...We need all the help we can get..."
Buzzing from an inspirational if downbeat teamtalk from the Holy Management Trio, rumoured to be "Wish Luck", The Badgers began the game by conceeding after 9 seconds, beating even the most pessimistic pundit's predictions. Josh Staniforth clearly wasn't impressed, and made the unusual decision to sacrifice The Badgers' defences' confidence to the Sun-God, Ra. It was a terrifyingly fierce display from the usually docile Staniforth, and Matt Clark, who had swapped Goalkeeping for Defence, must have wondered what he had done to enfuriate the beast within Staniforth. It turned out it was his lack of "FUCKING MARKING FOR FUCKS SAKE, CAN YOU LOT DO FUCKING NOTHING??????" (Staniforth, 2011)
The Badgers, it is fair to say, were totally and utterly demoralised. Some players had their head further down than a terrified Ostrich. Nevertheless, they were determined to continue to fight for pride, and subsequently conceeded two more in quick succession. One man who refused to give in was Charlie Carter, who single handedly urged The Badgers forward, at one point hitting a long range strike that seemed to everyone be sailing into the top corner. Just as Carter began his emotional cheer, the ball cruelly struck the post, leaving The Badgers shellshocked, and Bantz applauding the best effort ever to have been tried against them.
The Badgers stumbled to half time, thoroughly depressed and in need of inspiration. Josh Staniforth was substitued to prevent him exploding, and instead put into the thick of it in defence, allowing Charlie Carter to replay his long-range strike to himself over and over again whilst keeping goal. However, the team-talk, allegedally by Staniforth, was clearly "Angry", and the second half started poorly for Badgers aswell, as a quick break saw them conceed again.
For some reason as yet not know to man, this spurred on The Badgers, and the improvement was obvious. After some sustained pressure, Carter (replaced in goal by Rob "I've had enough of this!" Weeks, was released down the right wing by the glorious Tony Breslin. Carter kept his mind cool, despite the intense pressure from the crowd (0) and jeers from the opposition, and completely embarrased the Bantz keeper, scoring a truly magnificent goal, worthy of a Badger. Celebration was, rightly, muted, as within 4 minutes, Bantz had replied with some force, scoring two qucik goals which they believed would kill off The Badgers' spirit.
Not so.
With almost the final kick of the game, the ball was pumped up long by Breslin (who claimed that the ball was a beautiful thing, rather than Route One football) and collected by a neat touch from the otherwise anonymous Ben Wheatland, who looked up from his position about 20 yards out, before vollying the ball into the bottom corner, giving the Bantz keeper, who was checking his bag for a drink, no chance. Joy descended into foolish optimism, and Bantz seemed impressed that The Badgers refused to give up, allowing themselves a smile as a cry from Josh "Born Again" Staniforth of "Come on, they're scared, we can have them!" ran around the pitch.
Unfortunately, the whistle blew, and Badgers fell to their third defeat of the season.
