The Reservoir Badgers entered this game on a high after last week's mauling of The No-Hopers.
Never in the history of this illustrious club had two wins been strung together, (It happened once before, but this was due to a default victory, so we aren't counting it for the purposes of boasting here), but the Badgers were quietly confident that victory could be acieved, against a team that were below them in the table. Due to a administrative cock-up however, the Badgers believed that they were playing the team at the top of the table, and consequently upped their game in their pursuit of qualification to the knock-out rounds.
Confidence was boosted by the announcement pre-game of the new signing of James McGreysAnatomy, who had mutually terminated his playing contract with his old club. McAdder relased a statement to the club's press-officer which read as follows:
"I am delighted to sign for such an illustrious club like Reservoir Badgers. For one thing, they have an interesting and unique name, and this was central in my decision to sign from my presious club, 'Team A'. It has little to do with the fact that, last night, I went out drinking with the entire Holy Management Trio, and was persuaded by a wholly fair and justifiable drink-as-you-play deal.
On an unrelated note, I cannot play today."
The news of McAraldite's sigining was greeted with much joy:
"He has soft feet!" - Sam Hamberger
"He's Gareth Bale! Oh, you mean he's not Bale? Oh, then we got that wrong, sorry, see you later!" - The Welsh girls from last week
"He plays football, he's in!" - Josh Staniforth
The events threatened to overshadow the game, with the hysteria generated in the build up spilling over into the crowd (0), whose chants, oddly, were indistinguishable, possibly due to the howling winds.
As the game kicked off, it was immediately noticable that, for the second week in a row, the Badgers' opponents didn't have a full squad. 4 players, in fact, took to the field to face the confident Badgers. Matt Clark was rested (we assume, he didn't turn up in any case) for the game, and so the Holy Management Trio (HMT) went for the questionable tactic of putting leading goal-scorer Ben Wheatland in goal, and putting super-star defender Sam Hamberger upfront. The fans were perplexed by this decision, but as they numbered a feeble zero, their thoughts were ignored by the HMT, who decided to pig-headedly soldier on with their choices.
These changes, oddly, seemed to benefit the team, as the life that Hamberger breathed into the attack of the Badgers was, at best, apparent. This may also have been helped somewhat by the fact that the 5 Badgers outfield players were marked by 3 Euro FC players, but no one can prove that. In this vein did the first half play out, for the most part at least, with the Badgers having literally 110% of the posession. Despite having such an unconcievably large proportion of the posession, the Badgers didn't score any goals, and could have fallen behind (which would have been bloody typical!) in the 5th minute. Euro FC employed their tried and tested style of football, described by a commentator as "Route One", and the ball fell to their only player of talent. He, with his brilliant hair in tow, struck a fine effort towards the Badgers' goal.
All hope seemed lost. Darkness descended across the pitch. Josh Staniforth's high pitched squeals of fear deafened a nearby dog.
But lo, the Badgers' players stopped, and heard a voice. It was that of rookie 'keeper Wheatland, who locked eyes with the Euro FC player and bellowed his war cry: "OH FUCK!". Fear overcame the Euro-pean, and he crumpled to the floor, unable to watch. As if in slow motion, Wheatland fell over, eyes now fixed on the ball. Somehow, as if the Badgery Gods themselves were snarling and dribbling all over him, Wheatland's hand grasped the ball, deflecting it away from goal.
The darkness suddenly became light once again, and Wheatland recovered to gather the ball up in his arms. Had there been a crowd, there would have been tears. As it was, the only tear was in Will Down's hamstring, and he was replaced by Tony Breslin.
The Badgers responded well, and pinned Euro FC back, just as they gained another player, making the game 6 vs 5. Suddenly, after knocking on the door all game, Jankowskij spooned wide for the Badgers! It was a sublime effort from the Lithuanian international, and drew applause from the Euro FC players. Breslin, unhappy that Jankowskij was playing so well, and desperate to score for the first time in 19 months, upped his game to levels previously unheard of. Some neat intercourse between Breslin and Hamberger finally brought the games first goal, with Hamberger massaging the ball to Breslin, who stroked home. They exploded with joy, and they both reached the climax of their happiness together in the centre circle, much to the disgust of the groundsman.
Directly from kick off, Euro FC attacked, looking to take advantage of the happy Badgers, and fired another effort on goal, which Wheatland (who is not, and never will try to replace Matt Clark!) tipped onto the post with his foot. The Badgers recovered instantly, with Downs and Lofving pulling the strings all over the park. Downs' passing was sublime, despite only having one leg, and Lofving (Who used to play for a Swedish uber-futbol team and never told us) was a rock at the centre of defence, gobbling up any loose balls and giving the team confidence in buckets.
At the beginning of the second half, Wheatland was replaced in goal by Staniforth. This change immediately bore fruit, as Hamberger lofted the ball to Wheatland, who took a touch before sidefooting directly at the keeper. The ball went out for a throw, however, and from this, Cameron Stuart, who was full of running and hate for Cher Lloyd, slotted the ball to Wheatland, who's first time shot nut-megged the keeper.
The game was rapidly descending into a training exercise for the Badgers, whose opponents clearly had given up. Nevertheless, Breslin still had time to produce the game's golden moment, looking up whilst in posession (115%) from fully 20 yards, before blasting his shot past the hapless Euro-pean 'keeper. With this, the game was done (literally, Euro FC asked to be allowed to finish eaerly as they had somewhere to be. How rude!) and the Badgers could celebrate the club's first back-to-back wins, leaving them with a return of 6 points out of a possible 9.
Individual players also made their own pieces of history for the club, with both Wheatland and Staniforth becoming only the second and third players ever to have kept clean sheets for the club, and Breslin became only the second player ever to score a brace.
Confidence is high!
