The mighty Vale set out today to duplicate the recent form we've grown accustomed to, in the hope of climbing the table. As usual, there were a few nerves going into the game and they appeared to be justified when their star centre back was seen rubbing Vaseline into his chest to clear his airways. Big-man couldn't have looked more clueless!!
Bingo kept the same team that won against Cross Oldswinford with the addition of Shaggy 'I’m blowin out me ass' Handley at right back, and Rik ' I'm prettier than Tude' Hale between the posts.
Questions were always going to be asked of the stand in keeper, especially as he was recovering from a horrific tea bagging incident on the weekend provided by the 80 year old ball bag of Johnny 'Dirky ball bag pin-pin minge mouth stiletto' Oliver.
The usual super fit Vale team started slowly with Harriers Arms dominating possession without providing the final ball that may have left the vale under some pressure. Much to the dismay of the opposition, Vales back line kept everything out and defended brilliantly, restricting the Harrier’s forwards to shots from 25 yards. The biggest threat in the first half was down the wings, which gifted them with an array of corners. None of which were they able to convert.
HT 0-0
Sure enough the mighty Vale picked up the pace in the 2nd half. Ten minutes in, Sam picked up the ball and paraded down the right wing, taking touch after touch with the whole team screaming for a cross! After about 70 touches Sam finally lifted his head and hit a highly dubious shot which sailed over the keeper and into the net. 1-0 Vale.
Possession was equally shared after that but Vale started to look the better team and when the ball was played through to Craig' how does he get his socks over them calves?' Pratt, the game was put to bed. Finding himself one on one with the keeper Craig kept composed and waited patiently for the keeper to come out and lifted a perfectly weighted lob over his head to put us 2-0 up.
The second half saw a few chances go begging, the most memorable being Shaggy one on one with the keeper and having his tame effort pushed aside like he'd stuck it up his ass and farted it at him. At least the team spirit was there for all to see, when Simmo consoled Shag with the encouraging words ' that was the most pathetic effort I’ve ever seen'...no one disagreed.
The Vale boys were kept under pressure throughout the last 20 minutes of the game as the Harriers tried to claw their way through the impenetrable force, to no avail.
FT 2-0
Positives to take from the game:
*Even with half the team blowing out their asses after 10 minutes, the effort and communication was clear to see.
*Our stand in keeper performed brilliantly making a few erratic saves and rushing out well. So much so, that the chant from the side lines which echoed around the park was ' Tude who?'
The only negative to add, was that when Bingo) was asked for his advice at half time regarding tactics, formations, etc......he kept it to himself. Now I’m no manager but I think it’s safe to say you may need to use your unquestionable managerial prestige and share this information with the team Bingo!!
Other incidents during the game:
*Silk had his neck stood on!
*Az had his goolies stood on!
(Guest author: Az)
