A combination of weather and the demands of the festive season meant this was the first competitive match for several weeks, unless you count those that ventured out on Boxing Day to kick lumps out of some, admittedly rather nippy 11yr olds, so this eagerly anticipated top of the table clash had the smallish crowd at fever pitch.
With Ollie the German still nursing his fingers (obviously hit by a cruise missile, not a football as originally thought) and Alan the Scot unavailable, Masood the Persian wizard was tricked into playing in goal by the smooth talking Charles Aznavour. Fairman filled in for Shaul (away on another 5 star jolly) alongside Dennis, Bartlett and Jennings. Howie and Payne lined up in the centre with Limon and the welcome pace of Beggs out wide. The hard charging Pyne and a debut for target man Evan Richards gave the side a well balanced look.
Horsford for their part lined up and bizarrely, whatever size or age they were, virtually none of them had hair! Even those who looked like they could grow a fair crop had elected for the 80’s skinhead look. Needless to say all the Cringleford players sported sleek mane’s…………… with the exception of the rapidly receding Limon of course.
The match kicked off with both sides eager to take the early advantage, so much so that the game became quite stretched from early on. Cringleford had the better of the exchanges with Beggs an increasing threat, Pyne and Limon both going close and the Horsford keeper diving at the feet of Evans trying to get on the end of another miscued effort from Payne. With so much at stake, the game became more physical and with 20 mins on the clock a clattering challenge by Pyne resulted in him having to limp to the touchline. A reshuffle saw Limon move up front and the brave Sharred (suffering with a severe bout of man flu) take his place on the left. Cringleford stuck to their task well and Horsford became increasingly frustrated, particularly young Stuee Herd, the leagues leading scorer who up till this point was used to scoring approximately every 23mins. Another promising run from Beggs ended with an awkward fall meaning a further change as a rejuvenated Pyne returned to the fray. Mike then set about making up for his absence but on the stroke of half time was brought down and with his howl of pain almost, I must stress almost, matching the intensity following Shaul’s infamous hamstring of last season it didn’t look good. This time Mike had to be stretchered to the touchline and after subsequent inspection Mike has endured sufficient rebuilding of his knee to qualify for bionic status – we wish him well, he’ll be badly missed.
No goals at half time then, Horsford retired to the Pavilion for tea, oranges and masseurs. None of that girly stuff for Limon’s hoops though, in true Phil Brown style he kept everyone pitchside and promised that 1 goal would win the match………kiss of death.
The injured Beggs came back on but had to succumb after 5 minutes of the 2nd half, again we wish Ian a speedy recovery. Local celebrity food critic Nick Skipper entered the fray and it was following one of his corners that a hoofed clearance from Horsford resulted in a one on one race between Jennings and the aforementioned Herd. Jennings stayed close enough to allow the Horsford striker only minimal contact with the ball and the resulting lobbed header dropped harmlessly into the keepers arms………………. ……………………… except Birgani, who obviously wanted some action having had little to do in the first half had also come for the ball and consequently wasn’t there as the resulting lobbed header dropped harmlessly over the line. Cringleford looked a little shell shocked but the response was almost immediate, some elegant footwork by Limon saw his cross helped on by Richards into the path of Sharred who, despite being in a part of the pitch he never knew existed, and despite the ball bouncing on the uneven surface, arced his body into a shape of such poetry, I’m sure one or two of the more sensitive players shed a tear. With honours again even the game started to get a little tetchy, the normally reliable ‘ref Eddie’ became a little whistle happy but denied any lack of impartiality when questioned by Howie. One can’t help wondering though if the deep fried tempura cauliflower he’d eaten recently at our sponsors establishment wasn’t quite up to scratch and he was just making a point. Undeniably both Sharred and Howie were on the end of some unpleasant off the ball incidents. Horsford then enjoyed a succession of corners that were all brilliantly delivered and inevitably one of the resulting headers made it 2-1 to the visitors. The hoops dug in again and the probable turning point of the game came as Limon, again showing us why he is the best Frenchman in the team, struck a shot from the edge of the area that looked for all the world to be heading for at least row X before dipping viciously and looking for all the world to be the equaliser before crashing back off the crossbar. Horsford started to press for the killer goal and things almost got out of hand when Payne who later said ‘I thought I could get the ball but when I realised I couldn’t didn’t want to waste a 30m sprint’ stopped the Horsford striker somewhat unceremoniously. The resulting hurl of expletives cannot be printed in full although the last of these insults was ‘pygmy’ – now a pygmy is defined as a very small dwarfish person and Payne is at least an inch taller than a very small person so he was extremely hurt. Life long supporter Pippa Pooley heard the tirade of abuse as she was half way to the Jennings house for a glass or two of vino and later said ‘it was a f…ing disgrace, the language was f….ing disgusting, I’ll be writing to the f….ing FA!’ Despite valiant work by Fairman and Dennis another well delivered corner virtually sealed Cringleford’s fate, Limon disappeared to have his pace maker reset and Bird came on for a brief cameo. Despite some raking long range efforts by Howie and a trade mark Bartlett end to end dribble, a high ball into the Cringleford penalty area saw an excellent finish from Herd and the second half misery was complete.
A deserved victory in the end for the visitors but how different could it have been without those injuries?
