The Yorkshire Rose bandwagon does indeed roll on as no amount of wizardry and dodgy linesmen from the Moortown Merlins could prevent Rose marching to another 3 points. On another pitch wetter than a Lake District doorstep Rose handled everything thrown at them and have a good lead at the top of the table. It will put them in good heart for their big Cup game at Rawdon next week.
Team news saw Tatts miss out due to a persistant strained attitude. Jimmy dropped to the bench too as old age crept up on him in the night and gave him some aches. Aaron also missed out after an Idle player from the previous week accidentally stamped on him six times. Andy Davey was away in Skegness on the Radio Rose Roadshow.
All of these absentees therefore saw the return of everyones favourite lothario Buttons. Despite going through difficulties with his Rawdon mistress as her demands got more sordid and strange he returned to the side to play up front alongside Dan.
The Gaffer patrolled the touchline smoking his cigerattes like a West Yorkshire version of Columbo as Rose made a steady start.
On the quarter hour mark a shot was blocked and fell to Dan who calmly stroked in the opener. It was no more than Rose deserved as they had started the game better. Moortown though came right back and at the back Neil and Scatch, fresh from his good run in the X-Factor as Olly Murs were colossal. Anything in the air seemed to be attracted to Neil’s bald head like a moth to a flame. Anything on the ground Scatch would calmly take a touch, then another, then another and then another. None of this whacking it out mullarky. A Wharfedale Triangle Franco Baresi. At right back Davlin Sutton had recovered from his hangover from the previous Saturday and prevented a certain equaliser with an astonishing interception just as the Moortown forward was about to tap in. It was also reassuring to see Phil Rhodes back again. The morning air had missed him bellowing “PHIL’S” anytime the ball came into his region. In goal Scott had been relatively quiet but dealt well with long throws and corners coming his way. The midfield quartet continued to work well. Ste McD patrolling the middle like an army general until some young upstart decided to stamp on him. But like the warrior he is a bit of water on his ankle and he was up again. On the wings were the brothers Machell. PC Machell was back from a good morning’s work beating some peaceful demonstrators. I Would Do Anything For Love ( But I Won’t Do That ) Machell darted around and at one point elected to take a goal kick much to the bemusement of the 3000 travelling fans.
The next goal was going to be crucial and so it proved as Neil ventured up front to contest a freekick. Proving a nuisance he layed the ball off to PC Machell who arrowed a left footed shot into the bottom corner. He celebrated by speeding away in his Panda to arrest a fan who had lit a flare in jubilation.
At the break The Gaffer decided to make one change as JT who up to then had done a sterling job of retrieving Button’s wayward shots came on for Ste McD.
The second half began with Rose very much on top. Dan was proving to be a nuisance up front and despite wearing moulded boots on a pitch that would have taken 3 inch studs managed to compose himself enough to see a great volley hacked off the line from a corner. The non-stop Buttons was hauled down when clean through but the referee was having no cards today thank you very much and just awarded a free kick. My My, At Waterloo, Napoleon Did Surrender Machell ballooned the ball into the nearby school.
2 nil became 3 nil though as great play by Dan saw the ball reach I Have the Musical Collection of a 12 year old Machell who smashed in at the second attempt.
Up to then Kris Sutton had pretty much kept his composure. After the previous week’s pushing and shoving David Sutton had sat him down and through the cigarette smoke and said, “You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Rose way! And that's how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I'm offering you a deal. Do you want this deal?” Kris had obviously listened to this sage advice as he wildly hacked at the Moortown midfielder to concede a free kick. The Moortown midfielder curled it round the wall and into the corner to pull it back to 3-1.
Things got a bit hairy for a while as Moortown pressed but once again huge defending from Neil, Scatch and Dav got Rose out of trouble. Scott claimed anything that came his way in between his press up and star jump drills.
The game was wrapped up when a well worked short corner from PC Machell and Buttons saw the latter’s shot deflected in to make it 4-1. It was definitely Buttons’ goal though as it was clearly different from the goal Kris is still trying to claim from the home game.
That really should have been it but Moortown won a corner. JT was marking the Irish lad who was telling him this Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman joke. JT never did hear what the punchline was in the gag as the Irish man next to him had wandered off to nod in a goal. 4-2.
Moortown continued to press but Rose saw the game out comfortably enough as Jimmy and Paul came on to settle any nerves the Gaffer was having on the touchline.
A good win on a pitch that sheep wouldn’t be happy to graze in and teams will drop points there this season.
I will pretend I wrote this before the Rawdon game was called off……so up next is the big Cup game at Rawdon. The weather doesn’t look good so it might be off. Not to worry though Tatts tells me it’s a good episode of The Waltons this weekend.
Gaffer David Sutton remains holed up in Guantanamo Bay at the behest of PC Machell. No amount of white noise or waterboarding is going to make this man crack though. “Have you tried taking away his cigarettes?” suggested Detective Constable E.I Adeeo.
“NOT THE CIGARETTES, ANYTHING BUT THE CIGARETTES, NOOOOOOOOOO” screamed the Gaffer.
Buttons longstanding affair with the woman who lives behind Micklefield is sadly over. Holding back the tears Buttons explained that she had taken a shine to Arran who had been regularly popping over to try and find all the lost balls. Arran is now being forced to mow her lawn ( both of them ) while wearing a leather mask.
The Christmas Single “The Lying Bitch and The Wardrobe” continues to sell well though the B side is proving equally popular. Steve McD’s sonnet dedicated to Heather Mills McCartney “Sex on Leg” is a big hit on Radio Rose.
The Christmas raffle tickets will be on sale this weekend. First prize is a meal for 2 at the Yorkshire Rose. 2nd prize is 5 free picks on the Yorkshire Rose jukebox. 3rd prize is a free go on the Yorkshire Rose pool table. 4th prize is one junior swim at Aireborough baths.
Congratulations to Kris Sutton who sent his 5000th email/text message this week. It was a fairly mundane one to be honest, “Lads, has one of you bastards stolen my pencil case? See you at Micklefield at 10am. Give me it back then. Come on Rose” On average he is sending a message every 27 minutes.