Home league match played on 02 December 2018.
Kicked off at 11:00 AM

After a difficult few weeks for Oak Road the boys turned up today inspired to not only bring home 3 points, but more importantly warrant a match report. Yes boys you have earned this little beauty today.

The day started bleak. Before kick off wheelo had to drop out so a bare 11 beforehand became barer than James Wilsons chin! After a night out on the Saturday and the smell of azas shitty arse I thought the oak would severely struggle. However my thoughts were undoubtedly wrong when I turned up to the ground to witness a miracle. Joe Wilson putting a net up fully dressed and ready to play given the fact he'd supped a bottle of Jim beam the night before! I thought fuck me we could actually win this game. So the conditions worsened after a months battering of rain the pitch seemed to be in decent shape and then that fine rain which really soaks you started! Kick off approached. 11 oak road warriors versus 11 Marist moaners.

The game started edgy, a greasy surface made it tough for either team to really dictate the play. A good solid first 10 minutes for the oak were we had a couple of half chances but Marist didn't look threatening at all. As the game grew on so did oaks performance. Whitfields change of pace was a lot better than his change in hair style as he constantly kept unlocking the heart of the Marist defence. Chance after chance came but in typical Oak Road fashion the oak were left without a goal! The game then took a sour turn as dave Beaumont was involved in a collision and whist trying to land ended up falling over the refs bag causing a painful injury. After a lengthy delay to which Wilson called Moran an arse hole for shouting at rich for delaying the game further due to his appetite, mixed with his hangover and passion to watch Derby day growing by the minute the game continued. Moran was probably pissed off at Wallis for the 2 worst passes in oak road history nowhere near Tony or skipper Spencer. Wilson must have used that anger and hatred as it spurred him onto having a great game. A free kick on the left hand side of the area was slapped away beautifully by Wilson to give the oak a 1-0 lead. ‘shove your 7.5 up your arse’ shouts Wilson to Me. My words are here to inspire greatness. For that I am proud. The oak then doubled their advantage thanks to a lovely floated ball over the top by Wilson (boring talking about him now) was excellentently controlled by Whitfield and with great composure slotted the ball past the ageing goalie of Marist. 2-0 the oak and walking it. The rest of the half seem to fizzle out due to poor refereeing decisions (which would be consistent throughout) and an utter dominance of the ball from oak. The oak were lucky to escape any cautions in the first half. Steven ‘fabinho’ Tong committed at least 10 fouls all above the knee roll. Aaron Tong didn't let the ref breathe with his attitude towards the ref. And Moran made a ‘clean’ tackle where the ball was under neath his body he went flying in that bad.

Half time.

The lads all conjoin together the skipper Spencer with some inspiring words. He and key were forming a formidable partnership down the left hand side. Moran chipped in with some inspiring words. ‘keep this up lads, it's Len Tens for everyone’. Wallis even tried helping the lads. ‘someone get me some more shit bags’. ‘you've got a squad full of them’ replied one of the spectators. Cheeky cunts. Out we go for round 2. Big 45. Will the oak hold for a match report? Will they bottle the result? 11 men held that destiny in their hands. Fuck the 3 points we want words! The oak again started on the front foot. The introduction of the injured Reed in the first half was not part of the plan but the oak were sticking to their task sublimely. Chances were coming again. Falling the way of cutsforth and Whitfield thanks to some lovely defence splitting passes from the beany. Goallllllll goallll Goallllllll goalllllllllll. The oak had scored again thanks to a lovely finish from a far from wilson! Picked the ball up with time to beat the man and slot the ball home from 25 yards much to the anger of the scrambling Marist keeper! 3-0. Job done? Some more crunching tackles from all over the park was the oak showing desire and a will to win. The hard press paid off when a misplaced pass from Marist found its way to Reed who turned on his inner fabregas to slide the ball into Cutsforth who rounded the keeper and slotted home close range. 4-0. Job surely done? Oak then in their usual fashion of missing chances and sometimes trying to overplay found themselves on the back foot. A small error by skipper Spencer who was having a belter of a game at Lcb a position left so void thanks to shears injury. The ball made its way into the oak area and failing to clear a lovely strike from the edge of the D found the bottom corner of the oak net. 4-1. Don't fuck it up. Then came another awful refereeing decision from the chicken man. Aaron Tong unable to header a ball as always was claiming to grapple a Marist midfielder in the area from a throw in. Penalty awarded. How the fuck he didn't get a yellow for what he said is beyond me. How can you tell the ref he looks like Al from toy story 2 and that he's probably still a virgin and get away with it? Penalty taken by sparrow let's for Marist was surprisingly slotted away beautifully. 4-2. Are we seriously going to fuck it up? Then came the moment of the game. Talk about Reed into Fabregas how about a Moran into Van Dijk. The man mountain (a wide not tall mountain) climbed the air. Stretching his neck like Jordan from space jam. The Marist striker was in on goal if he missed this header. 4-3 beckoned. ‘we don't let this fucking slip’ once said a great man (stevie G). Moran diverted the ball away from danger to the oak road right back. Danger averted. Pressure released. 3 points to be gained. The oak road made sure of the 3 points thanks to Danny wrapping the game up for the oak making it 5-2 to the oak to complete a resounding victory. (cant remember the 5th, I'd spunked my pants after the header and suffer memory loss after ejacualtion. If you need an explanation ask knappetts mum.)

MOTM 3 x Contenders Steven ‘fabinho’ Tong Joe wilson Danny Whitfield

I'm going to give it to Joe Wilson. (to my disgust). Whenever the oak looked dangerous going forward he was either inspiring magic or putting the ball in the net.

Ratings Wallis - 7 - not a great deal to do, great save in the second half to keep Marist out. Distribution needs to improve. Tong - 7 - great job on the right hand side of the 3. Needs to put weight on to solidify himself there. Gave away a penalty. Moran - 8.5 - standard, can't give myself any less. Great header and crunching tackles. Spencer - 7.5 - error led to a potential comeback. Pace covered the rest of the back 3 at times. Captains performance playing out of position. Josh - 6.5 - tough debut coming into a new team. Did a defensive job required. Need more vocals moving forward. Tongy '2’ - 8.5 - great tenacity in the middle. Once the passing touch comes he will be complete. Beaumont - 7 - calm head for the 13 minutes he played. Shame will never see him grace the pitch again. Key - 7.5 - great work up and down the left hand side. Defensive when needed, offering an outlet at all times.

‘The fab three’ Whitfield - 9 - 2 great goals always looked a threat. A pleasure watching the young lad grow his game. Will the Oak keep hold of him next season? Sort your hair for the next game though Cutsforth - 8 - took his goal well. Needs more game time to return to peak form. Wilson - 9.5 - see MOTM, would be a 10 but left his hat on for 90 minutes. Reed - 7.5 - commitment unquestionable. Playing with an injury. Assisting a goal. One word. Hero.

So what's next for the oak? A free week has resulted in a couple of lads taking some mid season rest. Wilson has taken the Mrs to Venice on an all expense paid trip from the club. A few of the lads are going to line their livers with endless amounts of alcohol. Atkinson is hopefully going to recover from ear aids to return. Wilson still being a paedophile.


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