Home league match played on 17 December 2016.
Kicked off at 2:00 PM

**Super League B Result**

*Parkin Loses the V Plates*

Goal Sports Giants - 6 – Pollard (2), Stubbings, Parkin, Beeby, Le’Friett
Snainton Rabitoh’s - Neil

The Eyres Scaffolding MOTM – Kieran Le’Friett (Pictured)

Attendance - 15

By Randy Bloomshield, Scarborough News of The World.

After 18 months in a purple uniform Bradley Parkin finally managed to insert deep in to the ball bag to make himself and his family real proud this Christmas.

Parkin is no stranger to having to wait for an insertion, and going in to the game our self-titled “hunk of the squad” told Gail Hailstorm today would be his day- and boy was he right!

The Giants have been on a drought themselves, failing to win in any form of PE since way back at 5th November when the boys had the greatest day ever day, beating last season’s rivals to the Super League C championship rings in Rosette Rhino’s, and also attending a mighty swell bonfire on the same said night. What a day and night that was.

Since then it has been a tale of despair and heartache only rivalled by an Eastenders story line with multiple deaths and family turmoil – but today the W was achieved and folks in and around Rudston can sit at their Xmas tables, telling tales of joy from the final match of 2016 that they have witnessed down at the Storm Roofing Arena.

There will however be no such tales in the Smith household as they failed to attend such a glorious victory, choosing to scour charity shops as a family, on the look out for bargains to make bare P, with Keir the charity shop master and leader showing the rest of the family the way.

The home side were at it like two teachers making out on the sly at the office xmas party, and within minutes chances were being created, and of course spurned by our misfiring goalshooters.

Brad Parkin, who recently described himself “the best wide player this club has” kicked wide after a great flowing move, and the same guy did a real bad kick with his left foot when well placed inside the DBZ.

On the other side Neil Prentice was continuing his struggle to form after leaving his boi Mase back in Seamer as he tucked himself deep in to the pockets of local league journeyman and youtube sensation Keith Savage at right back.

The breakthrough came on 16 as a routine strike from some guy in purple made its way to the Snainton goal denyer. For seemingly no reason at all the guy with the gloves slapped the soccer down real nice for bearded midfielder Dan Pollard, and he did the rest with a neat goal tuck to give his side the lead.

It was like driving down Albemarle Crescent, complete one way traffic and Frenchman Kieran Le’Friett introduced his own personal Xmas present for the fans on 22 with an absolute slobberknocker of an insertion.

The Snainton gloveman did another bad piece of soccer, kicking out from his soccer goal as he planted the ball firmly in and around the area of our feisty Frenchman. Everyone who is anyone in the Super League game knows Le’Friett should never ever be given over 7 yards of space with the ball hurtling towards his right cleat and the Eiffel Tower loving guy smacked in the sweetest of volleys you will ever see in the world game to make the gloveman look real real silly and himself real real sick.

“La balle est venue à moi rapidement. Je viens de donner un coup de pied. Je suis content“ expressed our hero post-match as Hailstorm again grabbed a word. We have no idea what the croissant and frog’s legs eating guy said but we imagine he was super happy.

Pwilly was having the quietest day of his life, kicking the soccer ball only 5 times in the first period. Sadly 3 of those times found fans in the crowd.

Goal Sports will be starting a Just Giving campaign over Xmas to raise funds for Pwilly to get some boots that fit him, some that make him kick to his own soccer team. If you would like to donate please leave cash in an envelope and post through the door at Goal Sports towers. Notes only.

First Period – GS 2 v Neil Snainton

The away sides teamtalk was heard loud and clear “Stop Plummie in the middle as he is running the game and being a real great footballer “ (100% factually correct) and the Rabitohs came out with a new game plan, doubling up on the mint sized magician to nullify his incredible game play and tactical genius….

Parkin’s misery in front of goal would be forgotten, for a short time anyway, on 56 minutes as a devastating run by youngster Devon Harrison down the left saw him pick his head up and cross to Parkin who was in acres.

The scene was set, a good first touch and an easy finish would be there for him, the duck broken.

Scrap that, a touch of a mule that completely wrong footed the defenders and a toebung in from 2 yards saw Parkin Shearer it up with the trademark one armed celebration.

From our lofty position in the Tennis Court end it seemed Parkin either had something stuffed down his PE shorts, or he was incredibly happy to finally get that insertion!

James Twinn was brought on to devastating effect in the final 20 and his physicality and determination drew the 4th minutes after his arrival from the subshack.

A high flag kick hurtled over to Twinn, he knocked down to his pal Beebs, and Beebs, who missed last week’s game due to having a gig as his Justin Bieber tribute act in Sheffield, slammed home from 7 to stain the Snainton guys incredibly dirty sheets once again.

The Rabitohs decided to turn up at 4 down and after a spell of pressure they finally inserted themselves after Pwilly spilt the soccer ball from a long range drive. Sadly for the orange and black uniforms their celebrations were cut short as Pete was stood across the line with a massive erection of the referee’s assistant flag and that was as good as it got.

Shouts of “Press A, for god’s sake press A” were heard on 79 as Tyson Stubbings continued his rise from rags to riches and kicked in after rounding the goaltender. His trademark goal due to poor finishing stats.

There would still be time for another sublime Pollard goal as he finished the scoring off with a powerful howitzer of a strike from a cute angle to take the team tally up to 6.

“These lot are absolutely sh*t, this is embarrassing” was bellowed from the away sides gloveman and we can only imagine he must have been real sad after finding out he was on Santa’s naughty list and just wanted to vent his anger with some nasty words even though his side were 6 down.

The full time siren sounded for the final competitive game of 2016, and what a year of development it has been. Coach Plumpton will go away and reflect on the squad building that must be done in the New Year, as the Rabitoh’s coach trundled off sadder than a bunch of little pheasants with no mother this Xmas after witnessing her made in to roadkill.

#OneMoreStep2WorldDomination #WellDoneBrad #NoLongerAVirgin #ButYouAreStu #StaffParty #Insertion #Soccer #Football #Xmas #Beard #BringWilderBack #HappyXmas

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