Oxhill Central FC Vs Winlaiton Queens Head (League) Postman Prat After last weeks cup game didn’t go ahead due to The Barn been unable to field, we found ourselves at home to Winlaiton Queens Head in the league. Bonzo Brown was away on a quiet city break to Amsterdam looking for a moped and Crabstick Cox was still serving his suspension after his karate kick in the North Durham cup. The big news this week was that Safety Davies has a new car which he’s refusing to drive, it’s been parked outside his house now for 11 days. The other talking point was about the Monks broken nose, this came about after Little Luke was acting himself at 7 a side and smashed a “cross bar effort” straight onto beam the unaware Monk. The Monk then kicked Little Luke in the ankle meaning he was also unavailable for the game. The 940 meeting time came for the game we realised Liam Jägermiester hadn’t turned up, PeeDog was worried as he wasn’t even answering his phone. Apparently he was having a xmas party with all the other postmen, this consists of a massive game of pass the parcel and watching Christmas episodes of Postman Pat, PeeDog said Liam is more of a Postman Prat. We also found that Bott had black eyes and a fat lip, we thought it was off black eye Friday but Joe Gill is Brill told Us he had been practicing heading the ball using roof tiles. Elvis showed us all he had a bad ankle off falling off his skateboard. During the warm up CatMeat pumped and super fan Denise said he should go and check his pants and veteran Gav showed us he wears long Johns under his kit to keep warm. The game kicked off and we never got going, finding ourselves 1-0 down after 25 mins. Bott tried to have a fight with an elf before Veteran Gav headed level just before the break. At half time Noddy gave us some tactical tips from his coaching course and Pilky told Veteran Gav to just stay down the middle. We came out second half and hadn’t listened to any of the advice we were given, and found ourselves 2-1 down. Sensible cap Josh was linesman even though he’s on crutches and was shouting abuse at everyone. We finally found a bit rhythm after 65 mins and goals from Dangerous Davies, Joe Gill is Brill and a brace from Gateshead Scott from Ouston seen us win the game 5-2. Singe who was our only sub, came on with 10 mins to go for his 6th appearance of the season. We then headed back to The Arch for our Xmas party, Stewy from the committee won the meat draw, Disco Dawson (yes he is still alive) cleaned up on the raffle, CatMeat won the Pigeon Toss, Sensible Cap Josh and Dirty Dan rapped on the karaoke and Broccoli head Matty drank 12 pints of coke. We were entertained all afternoon by Brassneck the Band and Ellie Rae with a little bit of karaoke, Chew Chancers Stanley’s best dressed finally made his comeback looking as great as ever. Thanks to everyone who came along and helped make the day as good as it was, and thanks to the committee for helping fund the day. Liam Jagermiester still didn’t get located and never made it to Xmas party. He used to be a reliable and trusted member of the team but now he just cares about himself, he’s other postmen friends and his dog. All the above stories are true. #UTA
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