Away friendly match played on 22 November 2015.
Kicked off at 10:30 AM

Oh where to start with this one, that can avoid all references to the shocking decision to award a penalty at the end. A farce to say the least but here goes.

STC arrived in the Hayes countryside with a healthy squad of 13. With a selection dilemma on his hands Captain Scott made his final team line up with Jordan in goal, Deano and Rob full backs, the Centurion pairing of Steve and Shaun at the back. Pinky and Perky in the middle, Sheggs and Gok out wide with Lee and Crabby up top. Slim and Omelette warming the bench. Team selection and subs will not be made by the old guard at the back, any moaning will result in being dropped.

So the opposition started the stronger and for the first 20 mins it was one way traffic. STC defended well and battled hard, Captain Scott putting in a shift before deciding to sub himself after 30 minutes. A poor decision in this writers opinion, but the challenges of management and 13 players. But by then, STC were already 1 up. Out of nowhere Crabby opened his STC account with a great individual goal. Picking the ball up 20 yards out, he simply dropped a shoulder and curled one into the top corner. Well done Crabby and enough said.

Slim came on for Scott and would wait 10 minutes before his 1st touch, a point Hooky made to his great delight. With STC on top, it was soon 2, Crabby was going nowhere on the edge of the box, but was upended for a stone wall penalty. Up stepped Sheggs, who had been ineffectual at best, although he did moan that he was not, and I quote, ‘’getting the fucking ball’’. On approach to the spot kick, which Sheggs was going to put bottom left as always, the ball rolled and Sheggs mishit went straight down the middle. 2-0, more amusing was the keeper had guessed the right way if Sheggs had struck true. The oppo had their chances, hitting post and a couple of goal mouth scrambles but STC were deserved leaders at the break with Gok wreaking havoc down the right flank against a 70 year left back, who also tried to decapitate poor Gok at one stage.

So at half time, both the old guard at the back stated next goal wins this, which was agreed by all. The 2nd half was a drab affair, STC forgetting to play the simple ball, yes Mr Kehinde, it is a short and first time pass to a team mate J.

Slim came close with a fine header of a Steve free kick with the keeper pulling of an exceptional fingertip stays, aka Gordon Banks, but chances were scarce. With 30 mins left, Lee decided he would play pattycake, not much else can describe it. After being upended from behind, which was in fact a slip, Lee decided to partake in ‘Handbags at Dawn’ and proceeded to slap the offender and poke him in the eye, whilst being held back by their lino who had his arm in plaster….. Err Lee if you are gonna have a go, do it right. Lee’s response in the bar was ‘where the fuck were you lot, Hookys response ‘laughing at you you wanker on the half way line’ classic. Lee was removed for 10 mins at the appalling refs request and the oppo player was allowed to continue.

The game was about to change. Omelette broke down the right and put a majestic cross over to the back post. Arriving with no challenge and with enough time to smoke 1 of his SPECIAL fags was Sheggs 2 yards out. Sheggs could have brought it down and tapped in, he could have headed into an open net, but oh no. Mr ‘I have to make it look special’, decided a speculative side volley would be the most logical course of action. End result, row Z and a moment of embarrassment for the STC leading scorer.

2 mins later it was 2-1, STC failed to clear their lines following a corner and a speculative shot was flicked in by the impressive opposition number 10.

Jordan then proceeded to go on a walkabout mission in a rush of blood, only for Steve to head clear on the line. Seriously Jordan, as Steve put it later, his 84 year old mother moves quicker than you J. I’m not sure what you learnt from England legend Peter Shilton, but it was not goalkeeping.

With pressure building, Jordan flapped at a few, and there was a distinct lack of effort from STC, but should have gone 3-1 up, Lee after fluffing an easy header, did well to turn on the rebound and see his strong effort strike the outside of the post.

With time running out the ref making some shocking decisions, namely against Deano, the worst was yet to come. A cross came in, deflected by Scott into the hand of Shaun who knew nothing about it, The ref pointed to the spot, the cheating C@nt. A shocking decision which was protested strongly to say the least. Orpington scored 2-2 with the STC players still arguing. At that the ref clew up which was probably best as he clearly had to get to the bar to receive the drinks the home side had bribed him with before the game. Shocking ref, simply shocking. Gossy and Gary Jones you are forgiven all your past sins.

So a 2-2 draw and still unbeaten this season. MOM goes to Steve, a sympathy vote more than anything as it was pointed out he has not EVER received such an accolade. So, errr, YEAH WELL DONE STEVE……

Next week is in the proper countryside, so an early meet and let’s keep the Invincible season motoring

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