Away friendly match played on 25 October 2015.
Kicked off at 10:30 AM

Well there is only really one place to start this week, and the breaking news, LEE ROBERTS has lost his title as ‘Master of the 1 on 1’. That honour now lies with Mr Paul ‘Emile Heskey’ Crab.

But I digress, STC brought their unbeaten record to Kidbrooke on a sunny morning to play our hosts Toby. Now traditionally this fixture is a draw and this was to prove no exception.

STC were struggling for players with injuries preventing the likes of Steve and Lee from playing, but at least Lee bothered to turn up…. cof cof Mr Cousins. So STC line up with Jordan between the sticks, Rob at right back, Mike at left back the headmaster and the newbee Scott in defence. Gav and Axey out wide, pinky and perky in the middle with Slim (smelling like a brewery and a little worse for ware) and the, to be appointed, new Master of the 1 on 1 Crabby up front. Sheggs returning was sub as was his brother Josh who was late AGAIN. That boy will be late to his own funeral.

On an excellent, yet big, pitch STC started the stronger, hassling the Toby defence and had a number of early chances, all of which falling to Crabby who would go on to have a day in front of goal to forget. With 10 minutes gone, STC were 1-0 up, Mike put in a poor corner that didn’t beat the front man, but picked up the clearance and returned a better cross into the box, which was to be met by Scott leaping like a salmon and winning the header, which fell to Slim, who controlled on his thigh and spun volleying in the ball into the bottle left corner from 12 yards. A good goal and a deserved lead.

Toby were looking dangerous on the break and soon equalised, a break down the left led to a scuffed shot which deceived Jordans attempted save and it nestled in the bottom right corner 1-1. Toby soon after had the ball in the net but play was pulled back for offside. A wake up call for STC who had become lax over the 5 minute period.

STC should have gone in ahead, but Crabbie when put through by both Slim and Scott could not beat the ‘robust’ Toby keeper, when in on goal 1 on 1.

So 1-1 at half time and STC thinking they had better of things and would be able to push ahead in the 2nd period.

Shortly after the kick off it was 2-1 Toby, a well worked moved down the left and a good finish, albeit against the run of play. STC were back level moments later, Josh turning in a Mike corner at the back post from 2 yards. The way he celebrated it you’d have thought it was a cup final day and he’s scored 30 yarder. But that’s Hookeys style of scoring not Chris Rocks.

Axey soon went off injured as did Sheggs and the cam become very stretched. Josh having a personal battle apparently with the Toby full back Gary. In the car park after the game, Roberts called out to Gary that he was in Josh’s pocket, the response was ‘fuck that shot, Josh is a wanker’ Quality, and had this writer in stitches.

Next up was the miss of the century. After a goal mouth scramble Slim shot was deflected onto the bar, with keep on the floor the ball fell to Josh 2 yards out. You had to see it to believe it but somewhere Josh managed to clear the bar by about 10 foot and then proceeded to fall on the floor and cry out in desperation ‘I was offside’. No Josh, you were not offside you just royally fu@ked up and you have the early contender for miss of the season.

The game changed on 60 minutes, Slim collected the ball from Gav and then played in Crabbie who ran through 1 on 1 with the keeper. Crabbies effort was saved and not 15 seconds later Toby went up the other end and after a good move down the right wing, not sure where the STC left back had gone, squared and it was put in from 4 yards. 3-2 Toby.

STC started to pile on the pressure striving for the equaliser. Josh and Gav working hard out wide with Pinky and perky bossing the midfield. Josh should have done better with a snap shot cutting in form the right. Next up was Crabbie who beat 3 men and broke into the box but it was one of those days for him and his effort was saved.

STC were soon level, the impressive Hooky winning the ball and playing it to Crabbie who put a defence splitting ball through to Slim who was in 1 on 1 and made no mistake slotting into the bottom left corner.

With time running out, Slim broke down the left and spotted Gav making a good run towards the edge of the box, Slim played in Gav who was upended by the Toby midfielder, clear foul but wait, the ref played a good advantage as the ball fell into the path of the man of the match Hooky. What happened next is interpreted in 2 ways, the reality and the Hooky version of events. For shits and giggles this writer will go with the Hooky version.

‘Once upon a time in town called London, there was a boy and his name was Ian. Now Ian was a special boy, and grew into the beast that is more commonly known as Hooky. Now Hooky liked football and one sunny Sunday morning with 1 minute to go whilst playing for STC Vets, he has his moment. The ball rolled across bobbling all over the place, it would take some skill and no lack of ability to strike true with any shot. The Distance was 40 yards, as the bobbling ball came across, Hooky spotted the fear in the keeper’s eyes and knew this was his moment. With the guile of a young Cruyff and the power of Stuart Pearce, Hooky unleashed a thunderbolt with the outside of his trusted right boot. It flew like a tracer bullet leaving the Keeper no chance into the bottom right corner, breaking through the net with sheer power and is still, to this day, still going.’

So 4-3 STC with only a few minutes left, STC should have held on, but with The headmaster effectively crippled Toby broke down the rights side again and scrambled home the equaliser, 4 minutes into the allowed 3 minutes of stoppage time. Hmmmmmmm

So a 4-4 draw in a highly enjoyable game, one that will be remembered for 2 things, the first being Crabbie taking Lee’s title as the ‘Master of 1 on 1’s’ and more importantly, THAT WONDER strike from Hooky.

A good battle and still unbeaten moving into November.

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