Away friendly match played on 11 October 2015.
Kicked off at 10:30 AM

So on a bright and sunny morning, and a so called 20 MINUTES drive according to Roberts, we arrived in the countryside, well not all of us due to the post code provided being incorrect and Deano deciding to do some laps around East Croydon rather than look at the street name. Steve turns up effing and blinding about some bunch of wankers down the road having put a Palace flag up outside the pub, to then see the oppos shirt colors, it was going to be one of those days.

With some late drop outs, a no show and people refusing to travel, the STC stalwarts took the field with 10 men. Baltic graciously loaned us 1 of their players so the game could start 11 vs 11, but still had forgotten to arrange for a ref.

So the STC lined up with Jordan in goal, Deano and Rob full backs, with Steve and Omelette centre halves. Gok wide right, our ringer wide left, the two Portugal love birds in the middle (although while Hooky was feeling the love I expect Scotty was feeling something quite different) with Slim and Roberts up top.

On a deceptively poor pitch, looked good until you were actually on it, a scrappy game soon developed, which was to continue throughout the match. STC started stronger and should have gone 1 nil up early on. Slim ran onto a speculative long ball, before manhandling the Baltic centre half to the ground, a clear foul to be fair, but the ref said play on, but Slim failed to round the keeper, to a giggle from Roberts of ‘that’s a 1 on 1 Slim'. Revenge would be SWEET later Mr Roberts.

Then out of the blue, Baltic played a long ball up to their lively 2 forwards, Rob at left back went missing and Paul could not match the forwards pace and it was 1-0 to Baltic after a strong finish.

STC were bossing the game, well to be fair a slimmer looking Jan Dolby in the middle was bossing the game, which was quite an achievement given his opposite number was not a day over 25.

STC were soon back on level terms, Roberts received the ball and rather than control it, managed to roll it up his arm and into the path Slim, who slotted home well 1 on 1 with the keeper. 1-1, and not one to mince his words, the cry from Steve at the back was, just as well you can shoot straight Slim, coz you’ve done fuck all else so far. And to be fair to Steve it was an accurate comment, with Slim’s touch resembling that of Tony Peperami.

The game continued in a scrappy fashion, Deano having major issues passing the ball, Gav struggling to get involved and Lee deciding to impale himself on his own able when trying to stop Baltic defender seeing the ball out and Scott and Hooky winning everything in midfield.

Out of the blue it was a penalty to Baltic. Following a short corner Steve decided to do his very best Hong Kong Fuey impression and studs up took out the Baltic forward. Whilst contact with the ball was made, to be fair it was a stone cold penalty and STC really shouldn’t have protested as much as they did. Now not many people know that Jordan has a very good record from 12 yards, and it was to be proven again with a fine stop, albeit straight at him, and well let’s face it, JORDAN IS A LUMP, which was to be proven when he moved like grease lightening to pick up the ball following Pauls remonstrations, and yet was so slow the Baltic forward got there first after giving Jordan a 20 yard head start and Jordan only needing to move 5 feet. A Penalty save nonetheless.

Just before half time STC took the lead, Gav finally got a touch of the ball and did well down the right and slotted in Slim who flicked the ball past the robust number 4, and lifted over the advancing keeper. Good finish, 1 on 1. 2/3 ain’t bad according to Meatloaf and that will do this writer as a rate of return Mr Roberts.

So 2-1 at half time.

The second half was to be a drab affair and 1 which will go down as very good rear guard performance. Scott’s creaking body gave way and played through the final 30 mins, basically as Paul’s bitch, doing whatever the Omelette lover told him. Gav got more involved and put in a tireless effort down the right and Hooky, well was doing what Hooky does well. Baltic changed refs and to be fair the replacement was a joke, at one stage offering the job to Scott, who responded that we have only 11 players. After offering to play for us Scott looked at him dead pan mode and I quote ‘’But your fucking shit’’ classy Scott, but accurate.

Only 3 things left to mention in the 2nd half, a great late block by Rob, Slim putting into row Z in the dying minutes after a marauding run and cross from Gav and wait for it, yes here it comes, are you ready, ROBERTS MISSED A 1 ON 1. Great ball from Scott, Lee running in from deep and the ball just sort of got away from him at the point of striking. Even better was Lee’s response to Slim on WhatsApp. You’re all on the group so look for yourself. Bite much …….

So a 2-1 win to keep the unbeaten season going. A scrappy but good battling display. Strong performances from Scott and Steve and Gok in the second half. Man of the match for his organisation of the rear guard goes to Paul, the 53 year old. Well played Omelette.

One last statement this week, it was a poor turnout, 10 men, and something we must avoid in the future and also the STC Vets side is about more than just football, it’s about BEER, so everyone should at least try to stay for 1 or 2 in the bar after games, other than you Rob. You don’t shower and clearly smell J, so well done to Roberts, Gok, Scott, Steve, Hooky and Slim for not letting the side down on the drinking front.

Next week is at home against Charter Diamonds. With this reporter on a scouting mission in South Yorkshire, Mr Cousins has been recruited as a locum and will be providing next weeks match report.

Featured Match Reports

Are you looking for something ? Search the TeamStats directory...

Team management made easy

Football team organiser? TeamStats is the ultimate football coach app, providing powerful all-in-one software to grassroots football teams around the world.

Learn more
Used around the world by clubs and teams from:
  • The FA Logo - English Football Association
  • Northern Ireland FA Logo
  • Scottish FA logo
  • United States Soccer Logo
  • Welsh FA Logo
  • Eire Football Association Logo
  • Czech Republic Football Association Logo
  • Singapore Football Association Logo
  • Australia FFA logo - Football Federation Australia