Home friendly match played on 31 January 2016.
Kicked off at 10:30 AM

So STC arrived on damp morning and welcomed Crofton to Ivor Grove and more importantly it signalled the return of the retired Hooky, albeit his retirement lasted a mere week. Word from the changing room was he just missed it all too much, however the real inside scoop is that the real reason was simply he missed Rob too much, as was shown when wind milling his little pecker in offering to Rob post game. Is it any wonder the man won’t shower with the retrobate that is Ian Hook on the prowl.

Anyway onto the football. With 13 players to choose from the ‘Balcony Boys’ had a selection drama. Well it should have been simple, Mike and Hooky, missing last week, making up the bench. BUT, with the team selected, Roberts spotting an opening, and like a wild cat, homed in on his prey, after being singled out from the crowd. A few moans later, according to the Balcony Boys, and Lee had his way, he would go to the ball, sorry play up front……… So strop later, the team was to lone up with Deano replacing the injured Jordan in goal, a sigh of relief after last weeks effort for the first 30 minutes, Little Scott right back, the balcony boys in the middle with Hookys special friend at left back. Bilbo and Gok out wide, with Crabby and Big Medium Scott (post Gym and fitting back into his 26 inch shorts) in the middle with Lee (post Strop) and Slim up top, leaving Mike and the un retired Hooky on the bench. Oh and according to Lee, during said strop, is that the headmaster is an ‘Educated Cunt’. Charming as ever.

STC started the stronger and it soon became clear that Crofton were pretty much a 2 man team, well I say man, yet I mean a 1 man and 1 child team, that the number 6 was apparently 36 is beyond a joke. Playing a pitch, muddier that Crabby’s questionable morale’s as demonstrated with the WhatsApp messages, STC were looking good and bossing in all departments. It was no surprise when they took the lead, Steve drilled a clearance at Crabby who took it down with a great touch then turned beating 2 men, before advancing 30 yards with the ball before sliding ball to Slim on the edge of the box. Slim dropped the shoulder before cutting in and curling beyond the outstretched keeper into the corner from 16 yards, great finish, but made by Crabby. Not much really happened in the first half, a few half chances and Slim should have done better from distance, Deano came out bravely at the strikers feet, but a deserved 1-0 lead at half time.

On came Hooky and Mike and STC continued where they left off, dominating. Crabby had oved up front and should have done better when through on goal, but amends minutes later. Deano launched a monster goal kick, his best pass for weeks, and 1 bounce and Crabby was in 1 on 1. The keeper shit it and stayed on his line and Crabby tapped in from 6 yards, 2-0. 2 was soon 3 and that man Crabby again with a calm finish after a defence splitting pass from Bilbo.

Crofton were struggling to keep involved, but did hit the woodwork before Hooky got in on the scoring act. With everyone backing off, Hooky found himself 25 yards out and let fly, 4-0 and Hookys 2nd of the season, both from distance. The game was petering out by now, the new look MEDIUM Scott really should have scored after a good 1-2 with Gok, Mike shot straight at the keeper but Crabby soon completed his hat trick, a goal mouth scramble really and Crabbys finish was deflected into the net. A possible OG but this writer gives the goal to Crabby after a strong performance including stint in midfield to accommodate the strop.

The last action of a game long ago ended was when Lee inexcusably decided to belly barge the Crofton forward to the floor. Clear pen and the ref Gary Jones knew it. Lee has been belly barging himself around the pitch for years, bit no more and not on Gary’s watch. Penalty. Clear Cut. Stop moaning and stop belly barging you tattooed belly barger you….. phnarfffffffff

Anyway, they scored, 5-1 and that was how it finished. Strong performances from the back 4, Gok and Crabby but MOM goes to Medium Scott whose handle of BIG Scott is a distance memory….. For Now.

Next week is Gav’s old team, so sharpen the metal studs, and call Lawrie.

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