Home friendly match played on 13 March 2016.
Kicked off at 10:30 AM

So in a re-arranged game, STC welcomed Santos to Ivor Grove on a sunny Sunday morning. With a few hangovers on display, STC lined up with Jordan in goal, Deano right back, The Headmaster and Mr T in the middle with Rob, I shower when I get home honest, at left back. Roberts started wide right, hoping to break his 5 game duck, with Pinky and Perky in the middle, Sheggs out left (a last minute change as Gok couldn’t face it) with Crabby and Slim up top, with the returning Omelette on the bench alongside the piss head who struggled to even keep up when holding the flag. Highly amusing.

STC for once didn’t give a head start to the oppo and in fact found themselves ahead after a minute and 18 seconds. Crabby won the ball and played in Roberts who hit home from 15 yards off his shin to break his barren run and put STC ahead. No Sheggs you did not get the assist although you did try to claim it in the bar.

STC continued to dominate their opponents and were stronger in every department, knocking the ball around at will. Gary Jones was to have a good game as referee but failed to play advantage at one stage and turned straight to Slim and mouthed, I know I know…. much to this writers amusement.

STC were soon 2 up, a good pacey corner was whipped in by the windmill, Medium Scott rose like a Salmon to get a flick and Slim volleyed home from 6 yards. 2-0, 20 mins in and the writing was on the wall for Santos.

With STC in total control, the headmaster subbed himself and Scott bring on Gav (who decided that today was the day to forgot how to pass the ball) and Omelette.

Santos almost made Roberts pay when he decided to pass to their forward, but Jordan came out well to snuffle out the chance. Good save from Jordan, who would go on to be man of the match.

STC were 3 up just before half time, Omelette ghosted past 2 defenders before floating delightful ball over from the byline, which Slim nodded home. 3-0 and pretty much game set and match.

There was still time for some comedy. With The headmaster giving Sheggs some advice from the dug-out, somehow Sheggs got bamboozled, and sort of just fell over and let the ball go out. Really not sure what happened but it was hilarious.

The second half started in similar fashion. Although come to think of it, this reference includes the word fashion, step up Crabby. Seriously mate those boots, shocking, you looked like a walking advert for Dyno Rod.

Anyway, it was soon 4, Dyno Rod broke down the right and played a square ball to Sheggs (who for once had stopped moaning about not being passed to, and not just you Gok) who finished from close range.

STC took their foot of the gas and started getting sloppy in their passing and Gary was having a hard time dealing with the Santos number 9, who WOULD NOT STOP MOANING, but were still in total control. Soon it was 5, Scott played a peach of a ball through to Roberts on the edge of the box, who buried a bullet of a strike into the bottom corner, great finish.

Roberts should have had his hat trick, but with just the keeper to beat, the curse of the 1 on 1 was back and Lee could only hit the keeper when he should have scored.

The second comedy moment was now upon us, Scott and his air kick, and WTF was that pretending you hurt your leg about, you air kicked, looked like a mug, and then tried to hide it. STAND UP Scott Dolby, You’ve been framed.

With the clock running down, there was time for a moment of sheer brilliance from Slim and a wonder strike. Slim robbed the ball in midfield and then turned on a sixpence inside the centre circle. With Roberts screaming for the ball, Slim spotted the keeper off his line and hot a wonder strike over the backtracking keeper into the roof of the net from 40 yards. What a strike, and it completed Slims hat trick. Take a bow Slim.

So 6-0 and that’s how it stayed. A good win, a good performance, comedy provided by Sheggs and Scott, Goks hangover, Roberts breaking is 5 game duck, Crabbys boots, Slim’s strike and a first clean sheet since November.

MOM this week was voted for Jordan, well played Keeper. Orpington next week, lets smash em.

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