On this cool Sunday evening the squad members of Tainted Quim FC took a break from their romance-filled weekends and returned to action against Mugs Da Manning in the UEFA PowerPlay Championship Capital One League clash. The team lined up with Williams in goal, Cooke and Punshon at the back, Beamont pulling the strings in midfield, Stretch zipping about up top, and ladies man Matters on the bench. A noticeable absentee was Frost, whose last known whereabouts was in a doghouse somewhere in Kelvedon.
Moving on. Quim started the game uncharactersitically well, keeping their shape and moving the ball about in a more confident and professional manner - a testament to the way they've been playing leading up to this fixture. Their efforts were soon rewarded with Stretch feeding Beaumont who turned his man well, finishing into the bottom corner leaving the rotund keeper with no chance. Unfortunately, Quim took their foot off the gas and allowed MDM's tricky little player in the middle of the park to release their left winger to place it into a relatively empty net since Williams had clearly got his angles all wrong. The squad remained resolute and new this was merely a minor blip in the task they had left their girlfriends and mothers for 30 minutes prior. Fortunately, in what may appear as a turning point when later analysed by Logan and Jenas on MOTD2 later, arguably Mugs Da Mannings' best player was disposed of by the muscle of defensive dynamo Rowan Cooke. The player naively thought he had turned Cooke, but straight out of the Mathieu Flamini handbook, Cooke clawed out some sort of limb and bundled the wee lad to the ground. The other Quim players knew this was an important moment in the match and managed to reason with the referee, explaining that there was very little in the challenge, so Cooke was lucky to come away without a booking. Meanwhile, the flattened MDM player wimpered off the pitch, having to sit the rest of the game out. Rumour has it that the player stopped breathing for approximately 10 seconds whilst on the ground, and then a further 5 seconds once he regained consciousness and realised he would have to face the villainous figure of Cooke leaning over him.
Quim used this good fortune and contiuned to make inroads into the MDM defence. A couple of minutes before half time and Beaumont received the ball about 20 yards from goal. Instinctively, he managed to turn one of his markers and shifted it onto his left provding him with the opportunity for a shot at goal. He took it, and although ball was going marginally wide of the far post, who was there to poke it in for the Quim? None other than marauding centre back Punshon, who was finally relieved to break his goal drought for the club. Skipper Williams was happy to see the young defender getting forward as he defintiely has a role to play in Quims attack.
2-1 Quim at half time.
Quim entered the second half maybe with an element of over-confidence from their recent form and left Matters exposed having to pick up two players down our right hand side. Unfortunately even Matters, who was having a very solid game up til now, couldnt stretch out one of his disgustingly pale legs to block the shot, and Williams was beaten at his near post leaving him and the rest of the side extremely frustrated with their lack of maturity at this stage of the match. Having said this, Quim responded in the only way they know - Flair, Passion, Flair and even more flair. Stretch cut in from the left hand side beating his marker and slotted the ball inside the onrushing keeper to put the Quim boys 3-2 up. MDM were rattled, and moments later Stretch went on another superjenking run past one and then inbetween their last two defenders with the only option of stopping him was to bring him down. Once the dizzy MDM player returned to his feet he was soon brandished with the heavily feared blue card and received his marching orders. Sadly, Quim were not able to make the following freekick count due to a clear mishap in communication between Beaumont and Punshon.
Soon after, however, a moment of brilliance ensued. MDM were piling on the pressure on Williams' goal so Quim were able to play a more counter-attacking style of football. One of these counter attacks allowed Punshon to release Beaumont with only the kepper and an onrushing MDM defender to beat. Beaumont took one touch and in equisitie Messi-esc fashion scooped the ball over the keeper and into the net. Certainly a contender for goal of the season one would think.
Quim saw out the rest of the game with some of the most solid and shape-keeping* defending I have seen from the lads. Despite MDM's desperate calls attempting to disrupt the flow of Quim's slick free-flowing football such as "he's shit with his feet" to team powerhouse Rowan Cooke, who soon after rifled a shot from 150 yards out indenting the post and nearly embarassing MDM's keeper, they couldnt break down the men in claret and blue. Although it's Valentines weekend, no love was lost between these two sides and Quim really sent a message out to MDM and the rest of the Championship that the claret and blue army are gathering some serious momentum which at this rate will take a lot to be stopped. As the season nears its fruition, Quim will consider themselves unfortunate not to be fighting for promotion back to the Premiership where they belong. However, as a unit the team are going from stregth to strength and, although two goals were conceded, Quim must take the defensive display shown tonight into the remainding fixtures of this season and next. There may well be a serious selection dilemma next week with Frost, Palmer and Beaumont fighting for that starting place in Quim's attack.
*Shape-keeping: what both David and Daniel Williams most like to see from their teams - proper footballing term
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