Firedancer’s dance to success!
The Filey Firedancer’s cruised to a 4-1 victory against the disappointing visiting Ayton Alligators. The Gator’s took a deserved 1-0 lead early doors but subsequently pressed the self destruct button, just as they did the week before to throw away the points.
The Alligators squad was thrown in to disarray before K.O as the Ayton Bluebirds plucked the glistening talent from the Golden boys. Out went Rich Ellis, Phil Wignall, Shaun Topham, as well as fringe stars – Craig Temple and Mike Todd. In came debutant and new team big boy Rob Ascough, along with returning MOM loving wannabe; Matty Moorhouse.
The Alligators once again started the match like a cat on heat as they pressed and harried the gigantor’s of Filey. Plumpton caused uproar amongst the hoards of webbed footed Fileyites as he beat their biggest player Steve Davis in an aerial duel, definitely one for the scrap book for the pint sized Nigel De Jong same boot wearing Plumpton.
After some quick feet by Bywater he released the fleet footed cuddly Eric Cantona of the Ayton side - Mr Phil Pickard. He raced clear like a white Usain Bolt as he looked set to clash with the opposing goal tender. Out he came with a despairing dive, the dive meant nothing to Pickard as he flicked the ball over his head nonchalantly and finished like an absolute dream boat. A definite goal of the season contender as Pickard wheeled away in to the crowd for a hot dog and king size mars bar in cello!
Ayton had the bit between their teeth as Filey were on the ropes. Bywater almost released Tyler down the centre but for a despairing last ditch tackle. Then suddenly joy turned to despair for the Gator’s, as it has so frequently of late.
A long ball from the Firedancer’s struck the heart of the Ayton backline 40 yards out. Holden met the attack with a volley…. Only to see his clearance slice off his Pink Mercurial Vapours and spiral up in to the mid day air. The ball took an age to return to planet earth as it passed a bo-ing 747 and a flock of migrating swans as it hurtled back towards the Gators Penno box zone. New boy Ascough who was off balance due to the unexpected swiz met the ball and likewise fell foul to its wicked way – Filey were through on goal!
The Ayton back line was nowhere as the sprightly Filey forward bore down on Dave the Saves goal. After dodging many tab ends in his 18 yard penalty zone the Filey no 9 poked home passed Disco Dave, who for some reason was hanging off his upright monkey like!
The change in mood in the Gator’s camp was not dis-similar to the feeling just after sex with a fat lass - as they found themselves tired and regretting the whole situation. It didn’t take Filey long to capitalise on more Gator’s madness as the shaved headed Moorhouse became the next to go in to the hall of fame for seasonal mess ups. A crazy back pass to Dave the “NonSave” saw Moorhouse receive the return ball. Moorhouse dwelt like Ron Jeremy waiting for the “right moment” in a facial shot, as he attempted a crazy pass to a Gator’s team mate. The pass was taken, Moorhouse looked a fool and in a flash the ball found its way in to the Gator’s pokey to leave them behind after 22 minutes.
Once again the curse of “Dogga Defending” struck again. Pluminho is rumoured to be looking for some help from above as an insider said “I heard Jose on the phone to Psychic Sally asking for some spiritual guidance for the Alligators”. “He will look at any method to end this madness” the insider revealed.
The Ayton goal threat had gone from hero to zero as the through balls became hit and hopes, the midfield failed to impose itself and the back line crumbled.
The defence had holes greater than Jordan’s tuppence as more long balls made its way through and set Filey on their way. The young Filey hit man did the business as Dave Lovell found himself Velcro-ed to the goal line, instead of sweeping his defensive line as instructed pre match. Another similar goal followed to leave the Ayton outfit 3 goals behind at the break, as they suffered from a 4 goal demolition by their opponents in a 20 minute offensive spree.
Half Time
Filey Firedancer’s 4 – 1 Ayton Alligators
Pluminho read the riot act at half time, letting his team know their performance was not up to the desired Gator way. Mawer tucked in to his half time orange and nodded in agreement as Pickard devoured his own half time snack; a hog roast.
Pluminho resisted the temptation for substitutions with Ayton Leg-end Geoff Osguthorpe amongst the glorious talent on the bench. It didn’t take long for the 2nd substitution though as Phil Pickard gave way after a hefty De-Jong style challenge on his opposite number, a matter of moments after the break. Touch line reporter Gail Hailstorm who was reporting for the Scarborough Evening News asked Pickard what his problem was “it’s my foot, as I smashed him to smithereens I just felt it go, have you any prawn cocktail crisps love?”
On came Tim Hick, sporting his customary red lipstick style Strawberry Brothers stain around his chops. The Alligators seemed to perk up and looked a threat. The game had turned in to something of a basketball match as chances came at both ends. David Mitchell, who recently outed himself to his family hit the bar with a thunderous 45 yard lobbed strike. Not to be out done Tom Haxby tried his luck only to see Dave the Save repel the effort on to his crossbar by the power of his mind.
The Wilsons Lane Gators had a strike of the woodwork themselves as Ascough picked up a knock down from a cleared corner and scuffed his shot in to the floor and on to the bar. Almost a dream start to his debut, and guaranteed BJ from the missus!
Ayton began to string some passes about as Jedd Ward drilled a cross from the right that Jamie Tyler just couldn’t quite stretch for. Tyler was impressing upfront with his improved link up play and workman like ethic.
Bywater then had a shot cleared off the line by a Firefly Mr and Holden followed his pass to Tyler and strode through the defence. Sadly for Holden his finishing skills let him down just as many before him so far this season. Holden passed up the opportunity of an Alligator goal from a 1 on 1 by failing to trouble the goal tender. It seems the pressures of a 1 on 1 opportunity just get to the Gators troops as they bare down on goal, sweating like Ian Huntley at bath time the pressure is too much and they fail to with the killer instinct needed!
The game came to a close with a succession of failed attempts from Filey as the Gator’s were lucky to finish 0-0 in the second half.
Can the Gator’s string together a settled side? Will Phil Pickard recover from his ankle knock? And just who will leave X Factor on this Sundays results show? Tune in next week to find out…..
The Gatorade sponsored Man of the Match award goes to Phil Pickard for his 50 minutes of Eric Cantona like touches, Dimitar Berbatov style finishing and Emile Heskey like link up play. A real treat in a poor display by The Ayton Alligators.
