Tyler costs Gators with dogga pen as Jon goes woman crazy!
Jamie Tyle single handedly dumped the Gator’s out of the League trophy as he produced what can only be described as a soul destroying penno miss that looks set to give his team mates night terrors for the foreseeable future. One Gator is said to have developed epilepsy with another player, rumoured to be Phil Pickard developing an eating disorder due to post penno shock - a club insider told the Evening News.
Pluminho shuffled his pack as Plumpton, Pickard and Atkinson all made way for Wignall, Frederiksen and Craggs respectively.
The Wilsons lane turf had a bumper crowd turn out to watch last season’s 3rd division champions - Ryedale Roosters. One fan was notably absent as Jon Hick’s velvet pressed seat in row K was sadly empty due to recent comments by the outspoken Aytonian, which have caused uproar in the national papers and tv press.
Hick’s (See Above) prehistoric views on many things have always caused a stir at Wilson’s lane but this bad boy has taken it to a new level. At Hick’s last supporting match (Pirates back in November) Hick was overheard by touchline reporter Gail Hailstorm (Right) to have questioned the role of a female reporting in the soccer world. Hailstorm upon hearing Hick’s disgraceful jokes concerning women and kitchens decided to take matters in to her own hands and flicked on the mic with a startling outcome;
“For me they are just bitches and my toys. I tap dat ass right there ‘bleep’. You will find me hanging out her back passage on most nights I tell ya ‘bleep’” Hick was heard saying whilst gyrating in a pelvic thrust with hand action manner. The case continues at Scarborough Council Court as Hailstorm sues for damages to her ego and damages to her collapsed anus.
*To hide the name of the fellow Gator involved in such a crude conversation the Team Stats team have bleeped out his name whilst this court battle wrangles on.
The action started in a fast and fanatic pace as the Gators employed a contain operation with their higher league counterparts as they looked to soak up the pressure and use Bywater and Wallace’s devastating pace on the counter.
Once again the woeful defending in the Gator’s back line cost them dearly as a throw in down the right saw Fraser haplessly miss a header and a Ryedale forward finish with ease after only 5 minutes.
The early set back didn’t change anything as the Gator’s looked a threat every time they went forward as the two speedy hit men furrowed a way in to the Ryedale box after great play between them saw Wallace scythed down for a penno. The Gator’s crowd went wild as they eagerly awaited the chance to strike level.
Up stepped Mr Cool, Mr 5 Finger Discount, Mr Goal Scoring sensation himself; Jamie Tyler. Tyler strode 5 steps back as thoughts of being the hero sent shivers down his spine. Tyler was obviously sweating like a nun at a cucumber stall as he moved forward and struck the soccer. The ground went silent but for the cries of several young children in the Ayton play park as they saw their hero pass the ball straight to the Ryedale glove wearer! Oh dear, Tyler hung his head in shame, and rightfully so!
The morale sapping moment on 16 minutes had really taken its toll on the Gator’s camp as Wignall struggled to hold back the tears in centre midfield. Craggs also felt the team’s pain as he hummed the Spice Girl’s hit – Wannabe out a loud in an attempt to make it all go away. All of a sudden the ball came careering towards the Gator’s box and Gator’s 6th different keeper of the season Phil Holden roared “KEEEEPEEERS” only for Craggs not to hear a word. On the Spice Girls line of “Zigga Zigg ahhh” Craggs ran in and tried to clear the ball only to see it fall to a Ryedale midfielder 20 yards out with an empty net to slot the soccer in to. Craggs had made a booby, like many before him this season.
Somehow the Alligators infamous spirit was coming to the fore as Frederiksen battled hard on his first competitive start at left wing. The 6ft 3 midfielder celebrated wildly as he won a header against his much smaller opponent. It was his first headed victory of the season!
Freddie’s heroics was bringing the Gators closer than Michelle Mcmanus waist line to her belt buckle as Bywater produced another moment of class in the centre. Bywater danced through two tackles before releasing his strike buddy Wallace down the left. The town dwelling Wallace unselfishly squared the ball to granny robbing Tyler who smashed home expertly his 5th goal in 6 games. Tyler also went close again minutes later after some good advantage by whistle lord Shaun Purvis, fresh from his role as year 10 playground monitor at his local school.
The game was on a knife edge as the Ayton outfit gave as good as they were getting and at times looked the better side. Just as the week before the defence stood strong, with returning ace Rob Ward winning countless headers and using his raw pace to great effect.
Two minutes before the half time hooter came a moment that anyone in that 40 man crowd will never forget as Bywater slammed in a sizzling and dipping corner conversion. Ryedale only half cleared and Frederiksen pounced like Katie Price at the sound of a new ITV 2 reality documentary as he smashed home the loose ball to level the scores and provide scenes of raw emotion from the Gator’s bench as Pickard dropped his water bottle in disbelief!
Could the Gator’s keep it up and pull off the shock of all shocks??
Half Time
Ayton Alligators (2) v (2) Ryedale Roosters
Pluminho gave a similar message to last week in his half time team talk; Stay focused, play the ball easy, work hard and the result will come. The boys listened to every word as Pickard smashed through a tin of Quality Street (obviously leaving the shitty strawberry ones).
One minute in to the half and it was ball plucking time for Holden as he turned and collected the soccer from his net after another goal coming from a Ryedale throw in, this time from the Gators left hand side.
The fighting snappy spirit seemed to have been sapped out of the Gator’s once again as the midfield began to tire after working harder than Ron Jeremy through a 3 hour movie titled “Just me and 6 midgets”.
55 Minutes in and the next 15 minutes would see the end of the great performance as Ryedale turned on the style and smashed Ayton for 5 further goals, the pick being one straight from an Ayton centre. Pluminho said “I just don’t get it. We practice centres for a good 45 minutes every training session yet still we manage to concede, this is happening far too often for my liking, I need extra coaching help”. A club insider later revealed Pluminho has indeed requested the services of local league managerial ace Jono Pashby (See Right at recent friendly) to help stop his teams perilous defensive displays.
Neil Fraser decided enough was enough on 59 minutes as his phantom injury which incidentally cropped up during the first half after conceding a goal came out once again. Fraser was replaced by Pickard at the heart of the Gators back four.
Frank White made an appearance in the Gator’s dugout as he got wind of the 5 goal smashing via breaking news on Sky Sports. He had come to ask Pluminho what the F*ck was going on! Luckily for Pluminho and his managerial post Pickard saved the day as he woo’d Frank with a variety of cruyf turns, drag backs and Hollywood balls to the forward line with the pick of the bunch seeing Pickard hit a stunner of a toe bung to Bywater and releasing a high pitch Woo which saw White giggle and clap excitedly.
Jake Smart also made a name for himself as he did a really big skid along the goal line to save a certain goal as his Golden team mates made a fist of the final 15 minutes and went close on a couple of occasions.
Next week sees the biggest derby since Dundee and Dundee Utd’s epic battle in 1987 which saw both sides reduced to 7 men in an 18 goal thriller. Will the Bulldogs finally register a victory? Can they finish a game without conceding from a centre? Will Smart’s ped break down once again? And who will be evicted in this Sundays Dancing on Ice Skate Off??? Only time will tell…
The Jon Hick MOM award saw Phil Holden pick up the post match bubbly for a classy goal tending performance. Holden said upon given the fizzy pop “I really do love Heidi,
