The day didn’t start well when Blind Les popped his head into the dressing room looking for Rich or John-the manager. Luckily for him he found Rich and proceeded to speak to him for the first 30 minutes of the game, unluckily for Dan he looked similar to Rich (must be the bald head)!
The rain held off for the kick off which started with a flourish. Mexoc flew out the traps pushing forward at every opportunity; Rockville didn’t know what had hit them!
Rockville eventually cracked under pressure when a six yard box scramble was put in the back of the net by non other than Shaun ‘the real scouser’ Morrison. Mexoc were in front and dominated for the majority of the first half with Harry Potter playing a strong line at the back for Rockville!
The Rockville equaliser came against the run of play; a powerful shot was only parried by Tim, which put it right into the path of the Rockville munchkin to tap home. Mexoc heads went down, they had seen all this before!!
Mexoc switched play from left to right with ease, Ian ‘The Prankster’ Frost and Daniel Alves….sorry Lewis, in the words of Willo ‘raped’ the Rockville left back.
The pressure continued until John ‘The Gaffer’ Faulkner hit a shot that could only be described as ‘like a bat outta hell’. As the ball flew towards the corner flag a Rockville player (sensing the danger of a Lewis throw-in) flung himself towards the ball, unfortunately for him it hit a number of limbs and re-directed itself towards the goal disorientating the goalkeeper. To the disbelief of everyone, except Faulkner it went in and Mexoc were in front, and much deserved!
Blind Les blew up for half time at 35 minutes gone (35 looks a lot like 45 on a Casio watch to a man of 60!) Not before having a strong word with a number of players, including Lewis whose excellent 39 minutes were ruined by a horror challenge that according to Les could have had him see red! Lewis was grateful for the let off despite every single stud on his boot meeting the ball.
Mexoc started the second half much like the first with continued pressure. The half time team talk from Faulkner had obviously worked despite the continued shout-outs from Jon ‘Bouffant’ Williams, which he had obviously read on www.classicfootballshouts.com, these consisted of, “they don’t want it” and “get your heads up”
Mexoc knew another goal would see them with a comfortable lead, and it didn’t take them long. With just 2 minutes on the second half clock Paddy ‘check out my new haircut’ Davis kept a long ball in with a touch that Paulo Maldini would be proud of. In one single motion he played a delightful ball to Shaun’s foot. Shaun turned and 25 yards from goal he looked square into the Rockville goalkeeper’s eyes. In what seemed like an eternity Shaun and the goalkeeper were locked in eye contact weighing the situation up! Shaun sensing the goalkeepers fear let rip with an almighty toe poke. The fact that Shaun miss-hit it meant that the goalkeeper was left wrong-footed and could only parry the shot. The ball was left bouncing in the six-yard box. Frost had sensed the danger and pounced like an Irish Red Setter, he shrugged off the defender as if he wasn’t there and was left with a gaping wide goal! He quickly had to decide where to place the ball and had settled on the top left corner until he remembered what Willo had told him about his brief 10 minutes as Mexoc striker, pre-season, unlike Willo he smashed it home to make it 3-1.
Mexoc had a comfortable 2-goal lead, at 3-1 they sensed the Rockville fear and smelled………Shit (but this may have been due to the fact that both Willo and Lewis both needed to drop their load pre-game but were scuppered by the lack of loo roll!) It was all going well until a simple clearance turned into a scene from ‘Dancing on Ice’, with a pirouette Willo found himself on his arse, leaving a Rockville player open to smash the ball past Tim. 3-2
Mexoc found themselves on the back foot for the first time in the match their heads were all over the place. Dan and Faulkner looked at each other and even they couldn’t decide whether to have another pre season-esque argument, or change it round! A change it was Faulkner taking himself off for John ‘The Continental Diver’ Frasier. It didn’t stop the run of play; at 65 mins after a spell of pressure a ball got played over the top. The Rockville maestro, who looked like he had come straight from channel 4’s seven dwarves playing ‘Dopey’ brushed aside John ‘Goliath’ Devine to put himself through on goal. Devine could only watch from the floor as ‘Dopey’ placed the ball past Tim, 3-3 what had gone wrong!?
Two changes came from the bench Willo was replaced by Jay ‘fake ciggie’ Crowe and Jim Convery replaced Causley. Things started looking up Mexoc began to dominate again, Mike ‘Goal every game’ Roberts danced past the Rockville right back with all the trickery of John Fashanu!. The right side dream team of Lewis and Frost started to receive the ball again. The Rockville left back’s nightmare started again as the two, who had started their partnership some 17 years ago in their Junior school football team, linked up with a delightful run of play that saw Frost with the ball on the right hand side of the Rockville area. Despite Lewis’ superb run towards the byline Frost chose to cross the ball to Lewis’s disgust! His disgust turned to sheer joy as he swiveled to see Jim ‘rise like a salmon’ Convery power the ball home with his forehead! Jim celebrated then jogged his way back to the centre circle with a quick glance to Willo that told everyone on the pitch that he had equaled his 50 game, goal scoring record in just 15 minutes. Mexoc were in the lead with 15 minutes to go!!!!
The tables turned and the Rockville pressure began again, the Mexoc defence held strong Phil ‘the North East new boy’ Brown continuing his excellent debut. Faulkner bounced along the touchline like his legs had been replaced with pogo sticks urging his team to hold on strong. A number of excellent defensive headers from Lewis weren’t enough as a ball got played over from the right. The defence could only watch as Rockville’s answer to Avid Merrion rose from a clear 2 yards offside to head past a bemused Tim, 4-4 and Blind Les hadn’t seen a single goal, apart from Faulkner’s which he shouted out “Deflection!”
Mexoc were like a wounded animal (not a wild animal, maybe a Guinea Pig), anyway they were angry. Not even the keepers new boots or Mr. Rockville (who must be knocking on 80) could stop wave after wave of attack. Fraser forgot that he usually blazes shots wide and found his shooting boots to volley from 1 yard (ok maybe 6). The touchline jumped with delight celebrating a 5-4 win only to see the keeper pull off a save that even Georgie/Tim/Kev/JJ/Frost/Danny Willo/JD would be proud of!
A rain soaked 25 players saw a game finish 4-4, it had everything, 7 glorious goals and one deflection and of course a right back performance that the great Lee Dixon would be proud of! Oh and Frost got man of the match, fuck knows how!
