Before I had kids, I'd always had a bit of a dream of my son playing football and eventually coaching his team. I had a bit of experience when I was about 16 coaching my local youth football team for a few years and had a great time. While he didn’t coach, my own Dad went to every game I played and it’s one of those happy childhood memories spent with my Dad going to the various games in the area.
When my son turned 5 and started getting obsessed with football I was delighted and started taking him diligently every Saturday. He started to show some natural ability, wanted to play morning, noon and night, and developed quickly. Looking back, I can see that my son’s love of football slowly became my project rather than his hobby.
Almost the moment he turned 6, he started to play U7 Football playing up a year. I couldn’t get enough and was hooked but not as much as my son. At that point whenever he refused to do something football was the solution. Wouldn’t eat his pasta -footballers eat that it gives them extra energy. Didn’t want to go swimming - that'll help you build your core muscles and you’ll kick the ball harder. Even as a self-confessed football nut, I couldn’t keep up with the hours of goalkeeping I would have to do each week!
But his early obsession probably became both a blessing and a curse for him in some ways. As we both got more and more into it I started looking for more and more opportunities for him to play, get good coaching and play with better players.
As he turned 7 in his second year of football, he started doing development centres first with Palace and later with Chelsea. He absolutely loved it at Palace, in his element, laughing and joking and messing around, while I’d silently fume that he should try harder!
Chelsea came later in the year and he progressed to their second level but that’s where he started to enjoy it less. He didn’t know any of the boys, the coaches were a bit too strict (they were 7 years old) but most importantly they didn’t have any goals at training. While I tried to explain how much he was learning, for a 7 year old, not being able to shoot at the goal or play matches was unfathomable! I saw a pathway. He saw an hour without goals, matches or his mate. For him it wasn’t football.
This is probably where I should’ve realised that he didn’t want to train hard, be the best he could be and play against better players. He’s 7 years old and just wants to have fun and score some goals.
As he turned 8 we signed him up for a second team. I was enjoying coaching him and his friends but wanted him to have better coaching and to keep learning. I probably should’ve noticed at this point that he was a little less confident and a little less gagging to go to training. While he was always happy to train with my team he started to say he wasn’t keen or had a sore knee etc for the other team.
But looking back what was really happening is that he was under scrutiny every day. While well-intentioned, he had a coach first and Dad second as he’d ask me how he did and I’d tell him what he could work on, how he could improve etc. Well-intentioned but looking back just too much pressure and expectation for my little man.
It’d be the same at home where we’d ‘practice’ in the garden rather than play. Like most parents I saw the Instagram reels of kids training hard, outrageous skill and thought I need to do the same. Again, looking back you think why would I get sucked in, but there is nothing as emotionally investing as your own child’s development. Unintentionally, I’d started to treat him like a footballer rather than a little boy wanting to kick a ball about with his Dad.
I’m glad I realised it before I completely put him off football but I imagine it’s something lots of parent coaches or even just well intentioned parents do. The biggest lesson for me was realising that football belongs to him, not me. My job isn’t to maximise his potential, it's to help him enjoy the game for as long as possible.
So while I'd love the summer months to be pre-season, helping him work on his strengths and improve weak points for us it's been almost a complete break from ‘organised’ football. If he wants to play we do, but its stuff he likes doing like who can score the most goals from five shots, football tennis or volleys. Or if he prefers to play catch or basketball or tennis we do that instead.
Maybe he'll want to train harder again in a few months. Maybe he won't. But for now, if he wants to spend an hour trying overhead kicks in the garden rather than working on his weak foot, that's exactly what we'll do. Because the thing I nearly forgot is that football is supposed to be fun.
