The rain fell down on a humdrum town today as the Business School opened the gates to their new arena THE BSFC NOU CAMP!!! No expense has been spared on the state of the art facilities which include an overhead heater and a genuine James Rennie Mackintosh mirror in the bathroom!! The match fitted the occasion until in the dying embers of the game Jimmy Saville's lovechild popped up to snatch a smash and grab win for the Quarrymen!!
In the pre-match programme notes Arsene Hedges espoused his football philosophy based on the great Russian acting coach Constantin Stanislavki's mantra of 'LESS IS MORE!!'In laymen's terms for the likes of Callum Gunther; Hedges intends to turn a white trash ragtag collection of itinerate and in some cases physically illiterate (Graeme McLean) players into a well oiled interlocking ticci tacca machine!! After 10 minutes the rust had disappeared and everything started to click into place! Hagred the Business School keeper was playing the ball out perfectly to his fullbacks and Graeme McLean hit 3 passes to feet in succession. (a Paralympic personal best for the rickets riddled youngster! ). Kevey Carlisle had the quarrys left back on ryebread toast with Primula cheese and Mitch and Farell played some tasty Dairylea triangles. Byker Boy Muzz then began conducting the Economists Philharmonic Orchestra to great effect. Byrnes opened his account with a cool finish in the bottom right hand corner as the quarry keeper suffered an attack of vertigo! 1-0 BUSINESS!! The quarry replied with a strike from a corner that wasn't cleared fully but Byrnes was at the top of his game! A sublime finish made it 2-0 BUSINESS with 5 minutes to go till half time. DISASTER on 42 minutes as reality dawned on McLean that he couldn't actually play football or any sport for that matter and gifted the quarry an equaliser!! HALF TIME 2-2!
In the 2nd half the Business brought on the fresh legs of David Nugent (signed from Boro on a deadline day free!) and the shapely legs of the player manager. Brady gave a solid performance down the right if occasionally losing his head like the headless ghost in Scooby Doo and Scrappy Too Season 4 Episode 9. Hedges played a Bergkampesque ball into box only for Muzz to sky over before being given offside. The Mighty Clag played a delightful ball into Mitchell to miss his chance as the economists failed to turn their free flowing football into a opening game win. Carl Karloff felled a quarryman like a lumberjack felling a Giant Californian Redwood in the dead of night! YELLOW CARD!! 10 PUND PLEASE!! Then in the dying minutes the quarry's blonde childrens home abuse victim put his sodomised past behind him to head home the winner!! FINAL SCORE - BUSINESS SCHOOL 2 QUARRYBANK 3 !!!
JACOB CLAG ORDERED TO KEEP HIS TRICKS FOR SKATEBOARDING!!! CALLUM GUNTHER TO RIDE SON OF DESERT ORCHID IN THE 3.20 AT HAYDOCK!! DAVID ATTENBOROUGH DISCOVERS FAMILY OF COYPU'S LIVING IN WALLACES BEARD!! CLAGGYS OFF TO VEGAS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!