40 days after his Easter resurrection and it was ordained that The Messiah Larkin was to rise to heaven and be reunited with his Lord and Father! Alas, Marty had overdone it at The Feast of The Ascension and gravity meant the Bootle Fatberg was staying right here on Earth!!
The match began with Business School domination as the 100 acre pitch left the Rossineri unfazed. In fact it brought the best of play out of Ashley, Bibs and Doherty as they passed the ball supreme. After 5 minutes Rustbucket Roberts was through on goal but pulled his shot wide. On 11 minutes Ashley played a beautiful pass to put Richman through on goal but he was harshly ruled offside. On 13 minutes MotM Doyle found himself in the box, checked to his right then dragged his shot wide. On 17 minutes Roberts hit anotha shot at the keeper but was ruled offside anyhow. 0n 22 minutes an inch perfect cross from the right by Schurle found Dunderhead Doyle in the box who managed to head the ball away from goal. Then on 25 minutes Bibby skipped past 2 opponents gave the ball oot wide to the Welsh Wizard who found Roberts in the box. He turned his man but his shot went wide. On 27 minutes a shot from Bibs at the keeper and on another day The School could have been 5 goals to the good! The Economists were camped out in the Oak View penalty box but profligate finishing would haunt them dearly and leave their Manager on the sidelines sexually frustrated! Doyle and Bibby cleared off the line and then after 30 minutes the Vets finally realised the Business were only playing 3 at the back! So they put their best player on the left as Porn Hubs Naylor Jnr tried in vain to get The Woolton Wingman to track back! To which The Business School right winger replied 'Schurle don't do Rewind!' The Veterans took advantage and 3 goals followed in quick succession. HALF TIME : OAK VIEW 3.BUSINESS 0!!
At half time Digga Dinn went off with neck strain and was replaced by Edgar Catchpole! The 2nd half began with a Business School masterclass 25 pass move that sent Arsene Hedges to the dugout for a cheeky wee tug!! Then the Economists answer to Joelinton, Shotshy Schurle, almost opened his account with a firece volley saved splendidly by the laughing policeman. Naylor Snr and Farrell combined well down the left hand side as Doyle ran himself into the ground on the right! Ross Richman had to go home to make his music and the Godhead Larkin came on with Hedges in a new mobile attack. A bouncing ball looped over Walters head and Hedges chose to hit it first time instead of running 60 yards. He screwed it wide but was well pleased with the distance made. FULL TIME: OAK VIEW 3 BUSINESS 0!!
STOP PRESS: ROBERTS HIRES REX MAKIN TO SUE FOR DEFAMATION!!! SCHURLE SEEN ROCKING IN GRANDMA'S CHAIR LIKE NORMAN BATES!!! HEDGES HIRED TO GIVE MOTIVATIONAL TALKS TO THE TERMINALLY I'LL!!!
Five aging residents of a Wavertree rest home: Messrs Hedges, Gabriel, Mohammed and Walters, stumbled across an alien 'Fountain of Youth' today and emerged from their dip Cleansed and Reborn!!
The Business School legends saw Hedges turn back the clock with the pass of the game in the first 2 minutes as his crossfield sandwedge to the corner was waiting for Naylor to run onto. But sadly Little Barney Rubbles Legs just couldnt quite reach. After 4 minutes disaster struck as a Walters back pass to Farrer put the keeper in a spin and a resulting throw in led to a goal for Richman!! BUSINESS SCHOOL 0 - BUSINESS SCHOOL 1!! Farrer wearing the Vest of Destiny and his new Orange gloves expunged his poor start with 2 World class saves and played on through the pain of a broken right pinkie!! It soon became clear that in the middle of the park tha mercurial Paul Murray was to lead Hedges a merry dance. Hedges was like the one kid sat out as everyone else cosied up for a slowey at the end of The School Disco! And Doherty paid the price and had to mark 2 men for the rest of the half. Despite the New Breeds possession the pace of MK Don Michael and Swanseas K Doyle had 3 clear chances but failed to convert. A Whirlwind of a Worldie then followed from the Young Guns left backs left boot. HALF TIME: BUSINESS SCHOOL 0 - BUSINESS SCHOOL 2!!
In the 2nd half Silver Fox Harrison continued to win headers and bring the ball down. And Yogi Swarmi Beebop practiced Down Dog! At the back Gabriel and Walters knocked it around with nonchalance and ease! But Bibby exploited space down the wing and fed Richman to score a rocket into the top left hand corner. Good work from the pre pubescent Liam Ashley and another for the acne ridden teens! BUSINESS SCHOOL 0 - BUSINESS SCHOOL 4!! Leg Ends Michael was upended for the Business Old Guard! Up stepped Hedges for the penalty as Peach played his mind games with cries of ' The Ball is a Brick!' Feeling 21 again and at the height of his powers, Hedges gave Ellison no chance with a roof of the net rocket!!! Female fans almost fainted as he bared his toned flesh in his Trademark celebration!! FULL TIME : BUSINESS SCHOOL 1 - BUSINESS SCHOOL 4!!!
STOP PRESS : BIBBY IN FA HOT WATER FOR POTTY MOUTH TIRADE!! WALTERS REARRESTED FOR BREACH OF HIS LICENCE!! NEIL 'FARAGE' HEDGES RETIRES FOR THE LAST TIME!!