Home league match played on 02 October 2021.
Kicked off at 12:30 PM

Kia Ora Lads, As we all know, Kiwi FC usually sees a number of changes of personnel each year, but this season has seen the dawning of a new management era, in which Finn has made the long awaited step from captain to player/manager, and has already witnessed Shane bringing the club into the technological age. As part of the wide array of changes, the management has expressed an interest in creating a new Sports Media department, to be responsible for providing match analysis and reports, as well as managing the various interview commitments of the players (Match of the Day, Sky Sports, etc.). I have been appointed interim sports correspondent and have therefore composed the inaugural KFC match report. As you’ll know, we have one of the most expansive followings of any football clubs in the world, with loyal supporters hailing from the UK, across Europe, Australia and of course, NZ. That puts us above numerous Premier League clubs in terms of fan base and for that, we have to thank the best fans in the world; I hope this reaches you all. This gameweek saw the second game of the 21/22 season, with the mighty KFC looking to stretch their unbeaten run coming off a tough fought draw against Putney Saint Germain in the season’s opener. It was good to see that Wade “2-1” Randle has been training extra hard this week after seemingly refusing to accept a 1-1 draw as anything but a loss, what a mentality from the lad. In stark contrast to the previous outing, Week 2 was a rainy, muddy affair at the Theatre of Dreams, the Abbey Recreation Ground in Merton (Pitch 2). This was the home of last year’s league winners, the South Wimbledon Dazzlers. To mix it up pre-game, Captain/Player/Manager Fantastic, Finn Milne had a lovely warm up for the boys that he has been perfecting over the years, it’s lovingly known as “Finn’s two lines” and really got the lads going. A few zig zags and backwards lunges later, the ref was early for once and called the game to start ahead of schedule, something that Shane “Sir Alex” McNeill did not take kindly to at all, giving the ref the hairdryer treatment early doors. The game kicked off with the conditions perfect, but showers were on the forecast (thanks to Phil for bringing the team soap, especially that minty one that gives you tingly balls); KFC started brightly and were playing some lovely football, zipping the ball along the nicely moist surface. The game was cagey and it wasn’t clear who would break the deadlock, but like he did in his Strictly audition, Shaydon displayed some lovely footwork in the box and managed to invite a challenge that sent him tumbling like Simone Biles in the Rhythmic Gymnastics World Champs. Sking unerringly stepped up and placed the ball to the keeper’s right. 1-0 KFC. The Dazzlers kicked off and played the ball direct, something the Kiwis were just not ready for and it was immediately 1-1. And 1-1 it remained until half time. The new regime took the half time team talk and the message was simple; get stuck in, want it more, leave it all on the field. It should be noted that no oranges or chocolate buttons were provided, but it is still the early days of the regime and we live and we learn. The second half was a much more open affair, and Sking with a sumptuous free kick delivery found the head of Wade, who leapt like a salmon to nod the boys back ahead. The Dazzlers kicked off and played the ball direct, something the Kiwis were just not ready for and it was immediately 2-2 (if you hadn’t noticed, that was a copy and paste of the first goal). This time saw the boys drop to the ground like the Aussies did after Jonny Wilkinson scored THAT drop goal; dejected, demoralised and in need of some serious man management. Wade stepped in at this pivotal moment and gave those wise words everyone was longing to hear, “don’t f***ing dive in”. As the boys became more frustrated, tackles were flying, Robbie “Delap” Bradley was getting booked and tempers were flaring. The calming influence of our GK was keeping us as settled as possible but a 10 yard slide tackle across the wet surface from Kieran “Pickford” Fox was mistimed (some say he’s still sliding) and gave the Dazzlers the chance to take the lead. They obliged and, unlike last week, took their chance from the spot. A few chances came and went for KFC, with Robbie B, Shaydon and TC all testing the keeper, but finally, the All Whites got the equaliser. As the saying goes, “Cometh the hour, cometh the little Bolivian man”. After picking up the ball on the right wing, Week 1’s MOTM, “Professor Charles” Xavier whipped the ball into the danger area. A slight assistance from the conditions may have played a part, but the stranded keeper could do nothing but watch the cross/shot sail into the stanchion, postage stamp, top bins, call it what you will but it was one to behold. The ever humble Xavier did his best to calm celebrations by claiming that it was a cross, but that did little to dampen the excitement that ensued. The game became a complete end to end battle, and the back four did superbly to contain their front man, who was quicker than an Adam Milne bouncer on a wet wicket. KFC continued to attack and Robbie B, who had clearly been watching too many Bond films in the lead up to the game, was firing long shots left, right and centre (not so much centre) but the ball fell in the dying moments of the game to Sking. Full of confidence from a goal and two assists, the in form playmaker was set through 1 on 1, on that trusty left foot of his, the whole world watching on expectantly……..put it this way, it was almost as bad as Tinsley’s 1 on 1 in Gameweek 1. Anyway, the game ended 3-3 and gave us another hard fought and well earned draw to maintain that unbeaten start to the season. Well done to all the lads involved. I personally won’t be in attendance for the next gameweek, but we are currently conducting interviews for the Deputy Sports Correspondent role, so more on that to come in the coming weeks. Stay classy San Diego……Back Stronger……We go again. TC Senior Sports Correspondent, Kiwi Football Club

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