Away league match played on 01 November 2023.
Kicked off at 8:20 PM

After last week's catastrophic collapse, management of mid-table pork were under pressure to make wholesale changes against 2nd in the league black horse.

Instead they opted to sacrifice the diminutive taggmeister for the even more diminutive hobbit. As it turned out, it was a ok irrelevant as the oppo arrived with only 5 men and opted to play the game as a walkover 5-0 in exchange for our sub

With that pressure off, Pork played some tremendous football with every player free from pressure was attempting some new 'things"

Hamstring Gary 9 - magnificent in goal, back to the glory days. Came outfield for a period and attempted a flying scissor kick volley which would have been magnificent, had he been 3 seconds quicker as the ball was out for a throw by the time he was at peak flight

Chicken George 8 - passing still not his forte, but did score a Harry kane-esque lob from inside how own half, and finished with a hat-trick. Such a shame these goals don't count with the game being a friendly, would have been a shoo-in for goal if the season

Jeeves 8 - played most of the game for the oppo, astonishing his former team mates with the previously unseen short-pass to feet. In a desperate attempt to increase his rating went in goal where is cat-like leap wasn't sufficient to make his only save opportunity

Prancing Neil 8 - best game for some time, confidence back and a strong partnership developing with steptoe. Needs to work on his shooting, which remains pretty shite

Steptoe 7 - another solid game, looking fitter every game, albeit from a very low bar. Believed to be still at the ground, trapped by the storm as didn't make it to the clubhouse for the post match debrief

The Prufessor 8 - a quiet game by his standards, but his presence was felt

Maypole 8 - an early injury scare following another mis-placed chicken-george pass, but ran it off. Luckily was able to walk to his defensive duties and save his knees for forward runs

Hobbit 8 - led the forward line selflessly - by that we mean couldn't score himself and had to rely upon his teammates. An unfortunate incident as he was outpaced by Jeeves in a straight race for the ball - needs to get those little legs pumping

And so back to the clubhouse in buoyant mood

Skipper continued to show his pace, winning the heavily contested race to go upstairs with the barmaid to help fix sky

After letting the squad down with his (lack of) response to Ben's wedding announcement, skipper redeemed himself by offering to sort the Xmas outing (date set for 9th Dec - put it in your diaries)

The skipper also held court ranting about the labour-run Tory council(?), who won't give him a (bigger) council tax discount - bastards

To refill his coffers after his recent move, Gylfi brought testicles for us to fondle and check for lumps - the barmaid should have been more understanding

Having been for an appointment for blood pressure, Hamstring Gary nailed Gylfi in just 4 words - sitting there like Heffner - all he needed to do was out a dressing gown on

Back to winning ways

Onwards and upwards


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