Home league match played on 04 October 2023.
Kicked off at 8:20 PM

A blustery night at the home of football, saw the men of pork take on the Parisian ganja men for the second week running. And for the second week running the vale struggled to put out a side, as first team regulars, squad players and those in the group but have never played, formed a deafening silence as the cry for players went out.

So it was Gylfi gates and the fat yeti that donned the famous kit and led the pork to a battling 3-3 draw against a much improved Parisian side. It could have been even better had an unasailabke 3-1 lead with 3 minutes to go not been squandered

Hamstring Gary 5 - including bonus points for attending the post match debrief without stealing someone else's pint. Seems a long time ago that clean sheet? Wind affected his distribution as simple balls arrived at 100mph and invariably head height. His attempted punch of a cross was possibly the weakest thing ever seen

Chicken George 4 - 1st time out since the birth, and it showed. Warm up was decent but as soon as the whistle blew, looked like he had never played football before. Not a single pass found it's man, but did make a nuisance of himself with their strikers. Things will get better as he has now reached rock bottom

Prancing Neil 7 - tippy-toed in his customary roving role, not sure he and the hobbit can play together, but needs must. Scored the 1st and 3rd goals but doesn't have the legs we thought. Needs a water carrier to support him in midfield - hopefully Jeeves will be back soon

Ben the hobbit 6 - makes the same runs as prancing Neil, just with much shorter strides. Covered a lot of ground, mainly trying to catch wayward passes from his team's mates. Did assist the professor's goal, laying it on a plate with a sublime flick over his own head (pass along the ground)

The professor 6 - though he had made m-o-m, but was clearly watching a different game to everyone else. Scored a towering, Peter withe style header, lucky to get the chance having muffed a 1-1 with the world's worst keeper. His turn of pace over 5 yards was used mainly chasing his 1st touches which invariably bobbled away somewhere.

Fat yeti 3 - time on pitch (5), minus goals conceded (2), plus tacked made (0). Struggled a little with the pace of the game, but was let down by his teammates who should have tackled/made saves before it even reached him

Unused sub - gylfi gates. Looked good in full kit though!

Having conceded 2 in the last 3 mins the full squad trudged off to the clubhouse, where they were treated to a magnificent feast of chicken and chips, plus scampi and onion rings

A full and frank debrief occurred with players encouraged to critique each other - probably won't do that again as it appears every player is shite according to his teammates

We learned caffeine is an aphrodisiac for hamstring Gary, opening the back door!

And shitting yourself is no disgrace, we have all done it! Just not often in a customers house

Something big is happening in the sparks world today, with the gaggle of sparks in the squad on soft drinks?

Possible no game next week, to be confirmed

And don't forget the beer festival is fast approaching - Saturday 18th Nov.

Onwards and upwards


Featured Match Reports

Are you looking for something ? Search the TeamStats directory...

Team management made easy

Football team organiser? TeamStats is the ultimate football coach app, providing powerful all-in-one software to grassroots football teams around the world.

Learn more
Used around the world by clubs and teams from:
  • The FA Logo - English Football Association
  • Northern Ireland FA Logo
  • Scottish FA logo
  • United States Soccer Logo
  • Welsh FA Logo
  • Eire Football Association Logo
  • Czech Republic Football Association Logo
  • Singapore Football Association Logo
  • Australia FFA logo - Football Federation Australia