We're all DOOMED!!! said a Business School fan today, after witnessing a crushing defeat at the Mersey Road Allotments Stadium at the hands of South Liverpool's Dad's Army!!!
The Business started badly against the Coffin Dodgers XI and a poor start got worse as Mark 'Flashman' Harrison was carried off with a suspected ingrowing toenail. Matters descended to the depths of Hades as conscientious objector Private Godfrey popped up in the box to score a diving header from 2 yards out!! The last time he scored Queen Victoria was on the throne munching on Abdul's shish kebab!! TUPPENCE TOUCHERS 1 - BUSINESS 0!! At last the Economistas finally awoke from their noctambulism to hit back as the effervescent Kris Farrell had a Berocca boost and stabbed the ball home from 5 yards. BEAN FLICKERS 1 - BUSINESS 1!! More injuries followed as Kevey Roberto disappeared into the ether like Mr Benn disappearing into the shop keepers changing room. Arsene Hedges had to shuffle the pack bringing Old Father Time McGrath on up front and switching Calamity McLean to right wing. Two horror tackles later from the World Darts Champ 'Farrer the Arrer' and the Business were 3-1 down. Meanwhile McLean was bleating like a wee whinnying lamb separated from it's Mammy as he resembled a fish on a bicycle at right wing!! The Gaffa heard his cries and switched Farrer and McLean over in a managerial masterstroke. This soon paid off as Farrer rampaged down the wing to open his account for the Economists! SCISSOR SISTERS 3 - BUSINESS 2!! Then the game took a Benny hill twist as Keeper Wallace was caught up in a fracas with Corporal Jones! Wallace flirted with the idea of gannin down afta pretending to hev his eye gouged but thought better of it! But as handbags continued Captain Callum (the changed man!) took the handbrake off the Gunther Juggernaut and went flying into Corporal Jones knocking him into Walmington-on-sea!!! Ginga Tom the referee played eeny meeny miny mo until eventually sending off Gunther and Jones! Wallace got off with a reprimand for just being a very naughty boy! Meanwhile Krazy Eyes Farrell was busy headbutting Private Pike off the side of the pitch! This was like watching Don Revie's 'Dirty' Leeds back in the 1970s! HALF TIME - FISTS OF FURY 3 - BUSINESS 2!!!
At half time the gaffa galvanised his motley crue with calls of 'When you're in Hell just keep walking'!! and pass the ball to Andre Hedgeio Iniesta!! His team finally listened and found Hedges again and again in space the size of a big potato field in County Mayo! He began dictating play chipping balls over the top only for Michael Mcgrath to be called wrongly offside!! Even the blind beggars of Banglahor know Mcgrath is never offside! A shot from McGrath went over the line but was pushed out by Mr Mannering decieving the referee! NO GOAL!! Brady and Mitchell were all over the pitch like a rash on a dairymaids mott!! McGrath then released Farrer to slot home a cooly taken second into the bottom corner to level the game! CARPET MUNCHERS 3 - BUSINESS 3!! But Hurricane Irma came to Mersey road as Mitchell and Farell went off injured! The bodies were piling up!!! Parle came on to partner McGrath whose joints had seized up like the Tin Man in Wizard of Oz! He was heard to lament 'I could stay young and chipper and I'd lock it with a zipper, If I only had a heart.' !!! Arsene 'Anger Management' Hedges got all aggy like a wee yappy dog after being called Worzel Gummidge by the Lesbians bench!! And took it oot on his precious little soldiers until their lady hymens broke!!!! The Business School Motorhome was oot of Gas!! Three goals followed from the South Mersey Home Guard to end the game !! FINAL SCORE - CUNT SLAPPERS 6 - BUSINESS SCHOOL 3!!!
CALLUM ARBUCKLE GUNTHER TO LAUNCH NEW BUSINESS VENTURE ON DRAGONS DEN!! AIR D & D INTENDS TO REVOLUTIONISE THE SEX TOY INDUSTRY BY DELIVERING DILDOS BY DRONE TO LONELY SPINSTER LASSES TOO SHY TO GAN ANN SUMMERS!!! STAVROS FLATLEY LARKIN ON HIS WAY BACK AFTER MISSING THE GAME TODAY FOR BABY ANGUS'S BRIS!!! BRADY AND MCLEAN TO MOVE IN TOGHETHER LIKE WALTER MATHAU AND JACK LEMON IN THE 'ODD COUPLE'!!
MANAGERS FILM RECOMMENDATION OF THE WEEK!! - SLAP SHOT !!!
Set in the low-rent world of minor-league hockey, the movie follows the efforts of player-coach Reggie Dunlop (Paul Newman) to turn around the Charlestown Chiefs' final, losing season in a dying Pennsylvania steel town. Reggie is not above using a dirty trick or two to manipulate his teammates or psych out opposing players, and cheerfully gets physical when he has to. Even Reggie recoils in disgust, however, when his tightwad manager (Strother Martin) brings in the Hanson Brothers, three thick-lensed, thicker-headed goons who are more interested in fighting than playing Reggie's brand of "old-time hockey". SOUNDS LIKE THE FUTURE OF THE BUSINESS SCHOOL!!!