Arsene Hedges launched his new soccer based charity today 'CLEANSHEET.ORG' to help break the cycle for reoffenders! As an alternative to sewing mailbags, the charity offers rehabilitation through football in the community. Their motto reads 'CRIMINAL DEFENDING B4 REPEAT OFFENDING! In a glowing tribute to the charities work Graeme McLean gave away his second penalty in 7 days but has tested clean for crack cocaine for 7 months!! REHAB 1 - FOOTBALL 0 !!
The Business started slowly in the first half and ended up 1 nil down to Sasquatch and his band of Bash Street Kidz after 15 minutes! But then the Business School laid on a smorgasbord of fine dining footy cuisine. Carl Karloff gave a meaty lamb tagine performance in midfield winning his battles like Maximus Decimus Meridius in the Colosseum. Gary the Bibsta Bibby concocted a delicate Lobster Bisque showing down the right hand side dovetailing neatly with Steven Sanchez Byrnes. 'Born Again' Brady who recently discovered the image of Jebus in his morning toast overlapped turning defence into attack quicker than autobot Bumblebee can turn into a family hatchback! A sublime move followed as Karloff fed the ball to Bibs who in turn fed Byrnes who crossed perfectly for Son of Clag to fire home from close range! BUSINESS 1 - BASH STREET 1!! Exhibition football followed with inch perfect passing, lobs, chips and crosses all finding their men. A header from Karloff laid on Byrnes to lob the keeper in a thing of beauty!! BUSINESS 2 - BASH STREET 1 !! a carbon copy lob from Byrnes minutes later just went wide and a perfect pass into the box from Bibs was seized on from Byrnes who hit a first time shot that pinged off the post! This match was more one sided than David THE HAYMAKER Haye versus the Russian GIANT Nikolai Valuev!! On the sidelines serial killer THE SON OF SAM talked dirty into his dictophone about the sexual frenzy of football the Business School were dishing up!!! FASTER PUSSYCAT KILL!! KILL!!!
In the second half Hedges brought on McLean and Peach in the first of his 25 substitutions in the new era of roll on roll off subs! The Economistas took their foot off the gas for short periods and true to form 'Care in the Community' McLean suffering from a brain injury butchered his opposite number for an obvious penalty. BUSINESS SCHOOL 2 - BASH STREET 2 !!! But the economists were merely toying with their opponents like Hedges cat Gazza (R.I.P.) with his 3rd mouse of the night! Maltby had a couple of shots go wide and Beardy Weirdy Wallace made a couple of point blank saves and a one handed save for the cameras to keep the chirpy cockEknees at bay! Son Of Clag then started to terrorise his opponents down the left wing like Jihadi John at a Horror Convention! Hedges then made the first of his managerial masterstrokes switching Kevey Roberto to his natural position up front!! In a typical Bob Latchford Pie and Chips production Kev Carlisle took advantage of a defensive mistake and withoot fuss, flair or unnecessary frivolity dispatched the ball into the back of the net!!! BUSINESS 3 - BASH STREET 1!! - Son of Clag then repeated his heroics from the first half tapping in for his second of the match!! FINAL SCORE - BUSINESS SCHOOL 4 - BASH STREET 2!!!
HARRISONS 8 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER BANNED FROM LEGOLAND FOR LIFE!!! MRS NAYLOR FILES FOR DIVORCE AFTER MR NAYLOR FAILS TO CONSUMATE MARRIAGE DUE TO MICROPENIS!!! HEDGES SUSPENDED FROM THE CLASSROOM FOR INFECTING 16 YEAR OLD SCHOOLGIRL WITH HIS DISEASED FOOT!!! WHEELCHAIRBOUND EX PARA ISSUES FATWAH ON PAUL BRADY'S HEAD!!!!