SUNDAY SPORT MATCH REPORT by Colin Alltheheroes
Red Lion continued where the pre-season had left off with an emphatic opening day victory against Oakworth. Three goals in either half did the damage but the score could easily have been double that.
Ten minutes before kick off the ground was more or less full. Parry had the team doing some complex warm up involving some flags, balls, bibs and umbrellas in one half. In the other half Oakworth were nowhere to be seen. One minute before kick off they strolled onto the pitch some of them looking like the characters from Gorillaz ( the cartoon characters ). One minute after kick off and they were one nil down. Branny who would give the right back a very uncomfortable afternoon skinned him for pace, slid it past the keeper and watched as it rolled into an empty net. This nice goal was only ruined when Tatts, doing what he does best, claimed the goal by helping the ball into the open net from 1 yard.
Oakworth didn’t know what had hit them. In the centre of the park a chap who looked like one of the big people from Fraggle Rock couldn’t contain Parry and Kris. On the wings Branny and Darren were running riot over their fullbacks. Buttons and Tatts had missed some opportunities before the 2nd goal came. A diagonal ball found Tatts who was clumsily brought down in the area. PC Machell, fresh from a 10 mile high speed chase across West Yorkshire, slammed in the spot kick to make it 2. The JCT600 end erupted and the 3000 fans that had made their way from Keighley sat back in their seats knowing it was going to be a long morning.
The 3rd goal arrived when Tatts slipped in Parry who fired into the near post and wheeled away in celebration, jumping and punching the air in delight. The imaginary roar of approval in his ears swelled him with pride whereas in reality only the long grass and nettles waving in the slight breeze were there to greet him. You can’t beat enthusiasm like that though! When the team are all older in a Sunday League Football Retirement Home then Parry will still be the one most determined to win that night’s bingo.
Kris soon hit the bar after a fine flowing move and it looked like it was a case of how many Guiseley would win by. Even the Gaffer hadn’t needed to crack into his cigarettes given the ease with which the home team were playing.
The only sour note of the first half was when Aaron accidentally stamped on the right winger four times and earned a yellow card.
Before the break though Oakworth should have scored with a Shaggy look-alike firing wide and two close range shots fired over and into the garden behind to join the 978 balls from last season. A klaxon will sound when the 1000th ball goes in and Ladbrokes are offering stingy but realistic odds of 4/6 that Buttons will be the one that reaches this milestone.
The second half began with Oakworth on top without really threatening Adam in goal. The two centre halves of Ste Mid and Smex ( even with his wooden leg ) stood firm though and Nelly Guy and Matty Larkins swept up where necessary.
Chances were missed at the other end but this soon changed when the Fraggle Rock chap went in goal. Scotty Norton was released by PC Machell to make it four and Buttons released Scotty again to make it five. Buttons missed this though as he grappled with the Universal Solider/Eminem look-alike. The sixth goal duly arrived when PC Machell sliced in a left footer following good work from Norton again.
So, a comfortable and an impressive victory but sterner tests lie ahead.
Back at the pub the “veterans” from Yeadon eyed us across the road. We got one more goal than them at the weekend. They got pizza for their aftermatch meal, we got chilli. And they didn’t have a bouncy castle in their beer garden either. This will fire them up no doubt and our October game with them promises to be feisty.
Oakworth left Guiseley for the long trip back to Keighley meanwhile. The journey back took just as long. Someone needs to update their sat nav.