There are very few players who are more passionate about soccer than Alonzi former PSC coach who Covid-19 derailed his plans to push the team higher in the league. A vicious scorer and an opponent you do not like to face he has to be one of the few who sleep and dream about football. As a result, playing against his teams is always a game that is looked forward to, not only because of the player but also how their teams like to shape themselves especially their quick tempos, and fast touches. When Buffalo came calling for a rematch at the eleventh hour it is hard to say no, to a team that is very good in possession with good tactical players. A friendly that has seen two balanced teams compete with each other several with each team recording a win. PSC was definitely buzzing to get some high-level competition after a series of mediocre friendlies that had seen them play in maize fields and coffee farms. We continue to be thankful that nobody has picked up any injuries from those horrendous fields. Having edged out Buffalos with a narrow 1-0 at their ground, they arrived reinforced and ready to exert revenge on PSC. On the other hand, PSC was happy to be back to ABSA grounds home away from home, a stadium where they are yet to lose a game. With only eleven players available for warm-up the talent available was enough for coach Waire to name his starting lineup. What more do you require when Babu is in goal, Mitch is back from his knee injury, Droopy cementing his place in center defence, Gitau making his presence felt, and Waire rocking his Kangaroo leather yellow boots offering assurance at the back. CDM Masoni having personalized the position, flagged by Senji the ball doctor – daktari wa kukata na kukunja crossi and twinkle toes Chubar in midfield were the complete package. Tiger was rewarded for his goals with a start while Mark took the other wing hoping to put his pace in good use. No need for Sisco when Doobiz is present with the presence of a cuzo providing an extra motivation for him to perform. Team Ochiek and Waire looked at the team and smiled and said “it is good” However, the game did not start as good as expected as an unsettled PSC was immediately punished by none other than Alonzi. Water is wet and always bank of Alonzi to score against PSC. With Gitau and Droopy being paired for the first time, Gitau was caught napping as Alonzi received the ball unmarked driving into the box before looping over the onrushing Babu. 1-0 to Buffalo. The goal boasted Buffalo’s morale as PSC struggled to return to the game. Buffalo on the driving seat looked to punish PSC by switching to a 3-5-3 formation overloading the midfield and the fullbacks. For every question that Buffalo had PSC had an answer for them with Mark and Tiger proving a threat in attack. Doobiz was also showing that his striking problems were as a result of watching Lacazette and as he epitomized Gabriel Jesus he was either playing very well or looking to impress his cuzo in preparation for the third half. Na hii baridi huwezi jua, ni mabachelor tu ndo wanajua vile wanaumia. A cross by Tony was controlled by Dubiz who started to turn to shoot but an on-rushing Mark asked for the ball, which Doobiz selflessly set him up and the drilled shot was nothing short of exquisite. Volley, laces, outside the box, Steven Gerald reborn, as fast as a bullet, go to sleep. The goal keeper must have been practicing how to catch a mosquito because no sooner had the ball left Mark’s boots than it wheeze through his fingers and into the back of the net, a reminder of why goalpost nets were placed in the first place. If there was an award for clapping your hands then this goalkeeper should surely win for he sanitized his gloves. Mark with the go-to-sleep celebration was definitely turning u the gear. Buffaloes were left perplexed unable to identify who to blame. Mark who was proving a thorn in Buffalo’s defense continued to run rings around their fullback, and twice came close to scoring only for his cutbacks to prove ineffective. Buffalo’s had enough of him substituting their right back for some new energy who can try to cope. The fullback’s instructions were simple “shoes’ and Mark’s ankles were in for a long day. However, the efforts seemed futile as the signs of a dying ship were soon exposed. A corner kick from Tiger was punched by the goalkeeper but only as far as Chubar who easily chipped it over the goalkeeper into the back of the net. The confidence that was once with Buffalo was fast fading as they resorted to long balls famously called “adhula” in western Kenya. Alonzi was isolated in striking with Gitau and Droopy at hand to keeper him at bay as he failed to register another shot on goal let alone possess the ball in the 18. Waire was proving on form at left-back as he made a meal of the attacker he was tasked to mark. It was on the right that returning Mitch was having his knees tested by a Mbukinya Express who did not have a speed governor. The pacy wingback was a handful making dangerous runs on the wing but he only proved to be an Omanyala pretender. While others are winning gold medals in the commonwealth, he is busy running amock on the football pitch like a headless chicken. Overconfidence proved the undoing for Buffaloes as they learned kutangulia bar si kulewa, with Tony at hand to capitalize on center-back’s poor ball control and squeezed in at the far post for the third goal. Ideas proved to impossible to come by as Alonzi began to provide instructions to the bench for other substitutes as it looked like the current players walikua wameshindwa na kazi. The new substitutes looked to inject a little fire into Buffalo as they created a few chances, Babu being forced off the line to clear against a fast-approaching Mbukinya Express. Waire then had a foul called against him with Alonzi stepping up for the free kick but the wall was at hand to deflect the ball out for a corner. Masoni meanwhile must have had a premonition of a nightmare that awaited him in midfield as he hid his cuzo in the boot. Masoni was made to chase that ball in the midfield and he must have acquired a six-pack by the time the game was over. Senji Dr. was popping in all the right places linking well with Mark and Waire on the left wing. Chubar meanwhile had found the kind of opponents he enjoys playing against and was in the thick of things in the midfield, with everything good always originating from him. The pass master was proving the Tik to the Tok of the team. Doobiz runs were essential as he won a critical foul on the edge of the box. Tony stepped up to take it. Curving in freekicks is an acquired taste similar to the first drop of scorching whisky or brandy on the tongue after a hard day of work. Watu wa mjengo and chang’aa can’t relate. Just like the sweet nector that alcohol is and not those Kariobangi blinding things, very few players have had the pleasure to indulge and bask in the bittersweet taste of doing something extraordinary. Scoring freekicks is a skill set reserved for the few, to be treasured and reserved as monuments. In remembrance of Robin van Persie sweet left boot, Tiger proved that even Lawyers understand geometrics curving in a beauty to the top left corner the goalkeeper proving a spectator like the rest of us. With such an eye-orgasmic goal the referee had no option but to call for halftime at least to allow Buffaloe to go drink some water, reflect, encounter the six stages of grief, and maybe return if the feel they can bring in some competition for PSC. The job literally finished, in came Mutua for a tired Mitch, top scorer Sisco for Doobiz, Rasco for Mark and Jonathan for Masoni, who had gone to confirm that Cuzo had not left the boot with mafisi sacco firmly planted on the bench. With smoking Johnny on bench, renowned sponsor’s Zlatan, and Kamdam who dresses like he is about to shoot a music video you can never leave your cuzo unguarded, least wafanye ile kitu. Masoni played safe as it should be. As usual Buffalo started the better in the half after a thorough talking to by Alonzi while PSC just engaged in watermelon feasting. Buffalo’s effort were rewarded with a quick goal as slight confusion between Droopy and Mutua had Droopy robbed off the ball with the quick attack too hot to handle. Newton’s third law of motion; for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, with the reaction in form of Jonathan Hamuli batoto ba Congo. Showing the defenders how they do it in Lumbambashi, he stole the ball, made a mock of the fullback, teased the center back and left him for the dead, feigned a cut back but he did not need anyone’s help in beating the goalkeeper for the high five. In an effort of beating an already dead cow, in came Ogochee for Waire, a maestro for a slasher, walking pace footballer Zlatan De Mwai for Chubaree who had had his fill of game time, summer bunny Kamdam afforded an opportunity to challenge Droopy for his number, with Mr. Intelligence Quotient aka IQ, awareness, taking stage for Senji Dr. It was Kamdam showing class is permanent making an interception and controlling the ball with his nipple for his first touch of the game. It is only Lenny who can make certain parts of the body considered obsolete do the impossible. Kwa wanawake iite matiti, kwa wanaume kidari ao kifua lakini chuchu ni chuchu liwe la mwanamume ama mke. He must have seen the way Droopy had played as a center back and realized that the road to win his number back was long and murky pulling off a stunt with his nipple that even Van Dijk is yet to try. Confusing the strikers with his bouncing running sometimes akin to Millicent Omanga dancing to “sipangwigwi” in Kenya Kwanza rallies it was a no go zone in defense, form can be temporary but even with two months of not training class is permanent. Rasco as usual the runner decided not to give the opponent rest as he won foul after foul with Mutua proving mutetezi wa wanyonge however, his complaints were not well received by the referee earning himself a first yellow for unsportsmanlike language. When it rains it pours, Zlatan having studied Mark’s thunderous shot in the first half from the touch line, decided he could go one better. Coming from a rebounded corner, his first touch was Berbatov, before making a 180 Zidane turn which should be illegal for a giant of a man. Proving that the hips and ass are not only a muscle but features that can be used to shield, and generate immense force, Zlatan drove a thunderbolt kimo cha mbuzi to the back of the net rubbing salt to injury. With Lenny making clearance at the back albeit covering for Johnny and Ogochee who had decided to play nyoso between themselves, Johnny looking for the occasional chobo and kanzo and Ogochee kunyoa watu wabaki wakikula nyasi. Mr. IQ had no option but also go in search of some stats angalau atokee kwa gazetti, chopping off an attacker who lacked awareness that “Subaru ya mambaru imekam”, Mr. IQ recorded his fourth yellow of the season surpassing Tiger’s three in the indiscipline chats. But Delle Mutua had other ideas, proving that mouthing is also a skill and earning a second yellow card for indecent words towards an opponent. Two yellows for mouthing and early shower for Mutua who received more cards than the number of touches he had in the game. In came Waire to replace him, as Mutua was tasked to read Conte’s footballing memoir on discipline and unnecessary yellow cards coming from talking to the referee. It is expected that he will publish a well-written essay to Conte on the issue and an apology letter to the team before the next match day and further sponsor the third half for the cartel on the same day. PSC has not played unless Sisco scores a goal, and while he disappeared during the game (vile alicheza ni kama hakua amekuja na cuzo leo) Johnny made things happen to making a fool of the defender with a chobo before setting the goal for Sisco who could not fail with his well-taken ndole. 7-2 and it was time to stop the count, allow Buffalo to go home and train, recruit new players and maybe return for another game. FYI we need serious teams when playing in ABSA, teams that are not surprised to see a grass pitch.
