THE EARTH HAS TRULY STOPPED TURNING!!! The Trumpsta is in the White House!! McLean is dating a Lappy!!! And the Rhein hev climbed above the Business in Division 4!! A massive jolt is needed if the Economists are to avoid a Long Hard Nuclear Winter!!!
Hedges delivered his rallying cry before kick off to get in touch with your Inner Demons as an antidote to a Business School epidemic of Nicenessenteritis! However, some players took this too far as Wolfgang Gunther threw away his ADHD Meds and started the game by calling all his teammates Runts and Bankers!! He then turned on the ref, the opposition and an 11 year old fan who lost an eye on Bommy Neet!! It was like watching Norman Bates slowly unravel in the basement of his mothers house! All that was missing was the Grey Wig and Long Black dress!! The Business battled hard in the first half and could have taken the lead in the first 5 minutes as Byrnes worked his magic tricks like Harry Houdini at the right hand corner flag! Hedges ghosted in at the near post to meet his cross cleanly but the keeper made an unbelievable save to deny the player-manager his first goal in 75 games! The Business continued to play good football but it was mostly in their own half as star striker Byrnes was left alone up front like a down market pro standing at a bus stop awaiting her next punter!! Karloff and Muzza took the game to Rhein but were repeatedly manhandled by Kendo Nagasaki grappling them to the floor! Hedges cracked a rib as Farell and Harrison put the pressure on down the flanks. Rhein playing their unique brand of Anti-Football hoofed the ball to Tariq Bin-al-Tahar Bin al Falih al-‘Awni al-Harzi on the right wing! He shamelessly dived again and again and broke out into Adhan, the Islamic call to prayer!! His followers heeded his call and Enderbedingi Sotoli took time off from reffing the game to ghost in between the Business centre backs Lardyarse and Lardycake to score on the half hour! HALF TIME - BUSINESS 0 - RHEIN 1 !
In the 2nd half, The Business went more direct and despite an early goal from Sotoli to make it BUSINESS 0 - RHEIN 2, were camped in Rhein's half. Kendo Nagasaki brought Karloff and Muzza down time after time in illegal moves that hevent been seen since the Days of Giant Haystacks!! Grandmas across the land booed at their 50 inch plasmas! At last he got his comeuppance as an unknown Economista kicked him in the mouth and he went off with a nasty cut lip! The Business had 17 corners and 9 freekicks but Rhein had parked a Croyden tram in front of goal. Eventually a telling corner from King of the Assists and Top Goalscorer Steven Byrne, found Wofgang Gunther defying physics to levitate his huge frame off the ground like Howard Hughes pulling back on the 'Spruce Goose'. He headed the ball against the post and in off Paul Brady's Achilles tendon! BUSINESS 1 - RHEIN 2 !! The game then turned nasty as ArgDeux got Enderbedingi by the neck and then gave his African Brother a reet good hawking 6 feet off the ground in a tackle which would have graced the Stoop! Wolfgang Gunther now in full Mental Meltdown declared 'I want a Bit of Tha!!' and clattered Rheins centre back for a definite penalty! Sailor Boy Malone was ready for the off and couldn't be bothered to blow his whistle! All hell broke loose and Gunther chased Nagasaki off the pitch after an invasion by the Rheins star wrestler! A Byrnes volley went over the bar and the game petered out as Carl Karloff tossed their number 10 across the pitch like a very small twig at a Twin-Towns Twig Tossing Tournament! FINAL SCORE - BUSINESS 1 - RHEIN 2!!!
KLAATU AND ROBOT GORT DECLARE 'THIS EARTH OF YOURS WILL BE REDUCED TO A BURNT OUT CINDER IF THE BUSINESS SCHOOL CONTINUE TO PLAY LIKE THAT' !!!!! WOLFGAND GUNTHER ADMITTED TO ASHWORTH HOSPITAL AFTER THE GAME FOR HEAVY SEDATION!!! THE CLAG TO TAKE OUT HIS DISSAPPOINTMENT ON MRS NAYLOR IN 50 SHADES OF GREY PART TROIS!!! HEDGES BOOKS TEAM IN TO BUDDHIST RETREAT FOR TRAINING IN THE ART OF ZEN!!!
MANAGERS FILM RECOMMENDATION OF THE WEEK - 'THE GREASY STRANGLER' - 'Most Bizarre funny film for Years!'