Marsellus Wallace was one smiling motherfucker today at the Eccles Arena as he went Medieval on the Rheins bony ass! He went to work on the Nancy boys defence with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch and bagged a brace to inspire his side to Victory!!
The early kickoff left Arsene Hedges having to start his first game in over a year. But the Diabetic Donkey still has a good couple of fights left in him. He won a contested header for the first time since 1985 and hit a beautiful lofted pass to The Business Schools very own DCL. But on 23 minutes his race was run as he gave way to Muscular Dystrophys Poster Boy, Kris Farrell. From the first minute to the last, managers favourite Captain Bibeye dominated the Rhein by opening up their ass and dry fisting it until they cried out ala Roberto Duran 'No Mas, No Mas!' Bibs ran the game, combining with Murray and Richman in a midfield masterclass. The Rheins goal was under siege with chance after chance going begging. Wallace hit the post and Richman and Murray skyed over in a half that should hev seen the Economists move out of sight. In defence, new signing Jonny L. Jackson attacked the Rheins centre forward quoting Ezekiel 25 : 17 at him, 'I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers'! And that was the last he bothered Jackson. Then, totally against the run of play, Harvey Mong Strong got the better of Naylor Jnr for the first and very last time, to take the lead. Rhein 1 - Business 0!! All this did was galvanise the School to put the Rhein in a ballgag and paddle its cuckold ass. The Business hit back as Wallace unleashed a left foot rocket into the roof of the net! Rhein 1 - Business 1! And minutes later Wallace turned provider as Farell controlled with his right and slotted home with his left ! HALF TIME: RHEIN 1 - BUSINESS 2!!
In the second half Doherty came on for understudy Dinn and Total Domination ensued.Hedges programmed Catchpole like a cyborg to play a perfect passing game down the right hand side. Farell jinked his way to the edge of the box again and again to set up chances for his forward line. Paul Muzza Murray cut in from the left and bypassed 3 players to hit a fine shot which outdid the Rheins goalkeeper. But referee Brian Eno had blown his whistle early for a free kick to be taken. Bibsta chipped the ball into the box and claimed an assist as the light blues keeper fumbled into his own net. Rhein 1 - Business 3!! In the BSFC onion bags Jehovah Ellison, King of Kings, had little to do until a Rhein free kick found its way round the wall into the bottom right corner. RHEIN 2 - BUSINESS 3!! Jakey Naylor now came into his own marshalling Harvey Price so completely that his opposite number went to play at centre back. Then Naylor went on a run starting with a pull back, bouncing off 3 players, losing the ball, winning the ball back, and finally laying it off to Paul Murray. It was like watching Allen Saint Maximin running threw a field of rapeseed while reciting Marcel Proust! Marsellus made it 4 when a bouncing ball saw the Exxon Valdez bounce off the keeper and head into a waiting net! He could and probably should have, had a hat trick, had his Van Bastenesque overhead kick hit the target. The Economists played the game out and even Catchpole got in on the act with a bit of Ginola-esque trickery down the right hand wing.
FINAL SCORE : RHEIN 2 - BUSINESS SCHOOL 4!!
STOP PRESS: GARY BIBS BECOMES THE FACE OF 'CARRY ON CRUISING' : THE CONTACT MAG FOR TODAY'S HIP GAYS!! HEDGES TO OPEN PIZZERIA CALLED: 'SLICE SLICE BABY'!! WALLACE SETS SAIL FOR BANGLADESH: WHERE SHIPS GO TO DIE!!