Inter Menan 7 vs 1 The Titans

7up Menan!!!! <p style="text-align: center;">Menan smash seven net busters passed a repulsive bus shelter dwelling outfit in The Titans. Returning hero of yester year Dobson, sporting only one eyebrow for aerodynamic effect helping himself to four goals. <p style="text-align: center;">An almost completely different Menanian team took to the hallowed turf this eve with last seasons golden boot winner Dobson gaining a call up alongside Moorhouse and Walker. The Menanians were shattered just minutes before kick off with the news that Boro Town big timers Hawkes and Patterson were not allowed to play out by Town gaffer Mitch Cook. An insider in the Town camp added "Mitch just doesnt want them playing before such a huge important game 2morro night. Last week the boys played and Patterson turned up smelling of cat urine after appaantly swapping shirts with his Menan team mate Willan after the game. Its against our rules spreading germs, if the lads cant shower we wont let them play". <p style="text-align: center;">Back to the action and the Titans set the early standard as John Cairns DRIBBLED the first centre of the match to his fellow Titan team mate. The Menanians were in stitches as it was obvious the Titans did not know the rules and rule lord Bill Pashby had turned up looking like he was chewing a wasp which, resulted in much decision making help being given by the Menanians as the game progressed. <p style="text-align: center;">Glorious chances came in the early stages as Dorey and Dobson fired at goal only to see their strikes come back off the make shift keeper who was infact gloveless. A source close to the Titan camp added the keeper had infact traded in his goal tending mits earlier today at cash converters, so that he could obtain the required &pound;1.10 for the bus up to play the game - dedication by the young man right there! <p style="text-align: center;">An early refereeing error croped up as a corner accross the box found Dorey two yards out (Of the box) and he slammed the ball home. The lip licker's whistle sounded as he bellowed "Airweeaaa" at the Menanian goal scorer for apparantly finishing inside the area, a top decision by a top referee......not.... <p style="text-align: center;">Dobson was next to step upto the plate as Plumpton sent him clear down the right, only to see his swashbuckling strike fly several metres over the Factory road end fence. It was all too much for the Menan management team as Dobson was withdrawn for a swift rest and a fag for his misdemeanors infront of goal. <p style="text-align: center;">Plumpton was playing as a poor team's Patterson, looking to pull the strings in the middle of the park. In the early stages he was looking more likely to pull a hamstring than any strings as he found himself trip over the ball when in a good position! Thankfully for Plumpton and more importantly the Menanians Plumpton got over his error and began calling the shots in true Girl's Aloud style. <p style="text-align: center;">Walker had joined the show and it did not take him long to get in on the action as a slide-rule pass from Plumpton sent him clear through on goal. Walker stayed cool as a cumbumber as he hammered home past he makeshift keeper to make it two-nil. <p style="text-align: center;">Dobson received the nod and took his place once again in the front line, replacing Dorey who was having a mare infront of goal this evening. Dobson's rest had obviously given him some time to think and the horse teethed frontman showed his true pedigree as he helped himself to the 3rd and 4th goal of the game following more good work from Plumpton and Dorey on his return to action. <p style="text-align: center;">Half time 4 v 0 <p style="text-align: center;">The Titans were really up against it with their team members failing to grasp the complex and confusing 6 a side rules including "NO KICKING AS GOAL KEEPER". One Titan was overheard asking "Are we playing offsides" as Menan took full advantage and went up to 5 with Moorhouse taking advantage of some what can only be described as&nbsp;Keith&nbsp;Savage&nbsp;style goalkeeping, seeing his shin roller from distance go in through the keepers legs. Moorhouse was visibily chuffed to bits, and not suprisingly after his first ever goal not only in Menan colours but also in training and team warm ups - it was clearly a special moment for the Menanian back up keeper and one he will cherish for the rest of his days. <p style="text-align: center;">Pashby was clearly struggling with the decisions now as the Menan players became very charitable helping with decision making advice, it was clear this is not the only advice the man in black needs with whispers of "Speak to Frank" murmoured in the crowd as a good place to start!!! <p style="text-align: center;">Goal number 6 was always on the cards as the midfield maestro Plumpton found Dobson with a whipped hollywood style throughball splitting the Titan defence for Dobson to finish in real style.... this is not strictly true, a half hit attempt found the keepers hands, Dobson jogged away taking a breather when suddenly the goalkeeper went steroid crazy and on the spin found the ball propelled into his net, a clear howler in the David James bloopers category. Dobson did claim the effort after the game however. <p style="text-align: center;">Goal 7 was a real treat as the Menanians won the ball back early from the centre and found Plumpton with the freedom of the Pindar Astro Arena, which obviously spells trouble for the opposition! A cunning through ball to Dorey down the left came deflecting off Pashby who found himself stumbling around the centre circle looking for tab ends and in the way for the umpteenth time of the match. The ball found its way to Dobson who did the rest with a stunning low drive beating the deflated Titan stopper. <p style="text-align: center;">A truly memorable evening which has sadly been overshadowed by the crowd trouble and violence at Upton Park London, where die hard Geoff Osguthorpe and Royal Oak veteran has sadly been left in a&nbsp;state fighting&nbsp;for his footballing life after a Millwall hooligan gave him a nipple cripple AND a chinese burn outside the ground as Osgy qued patiently for his 4th hot dog of the day. Our thoughts are with his family, and his team mates!