The Marauders vs Porirua Chiropractic
The Marauders took on Porirua Chiropractic in what turned out to be a windy yet, relatively dry Upper Hutt afternoon. I use the word relatively as although there were a few drops of rain, they must pale in comparison (not a pigmentation reference) to the precipitation that had permeated the surface at Fortress Moonshine. It was a god dam bog!
The line up for today’s game was a who’s who and who’s that of Marauders.
> Josh A
> Mike Nick H Dribble Nick O
> Cam Fabio Wilson Josh M
> Mark Casper (C)
> Bench: Matt
Everyone of the above however, were well deserving on the jersey and fair enough, had never needed to buy a new one, or body paint themselves in homage of it.
Losing of the toss was merely a blip on the radar as we applied the early pressure. Through balls were threaded through a very high defensive line with ease, although none could quite be capitalised on. This lead to some whining from Shorty McStubblegs (you remember the short guy with really stubby legs, maybe not if you weren’t there… John) about ‘constant offside’, this was mainly due to my inability to run back onside after using all of my energy to make the initial surge and the fact that the guy was totally full of it.
The first chance (according to the brilliant play-by-play notes recorded by that good man and orange provider Fold) fell to myself at 16:33 after a shot come cross by Cam was just close enough for me to get a foot on but not quite close enough to guide home. The aforementioned mud did allow me to make a Gascoignesct slide at the back post however, unfortunately mine result was the same as his infamous attempt. Hopefully our lives do not mirror in any other respects (que Wilson remark about me being a booze hound).
18:56 Goal - josh's gets the ball to Mark who coolly drove it into corner. Marauders take first blood due to consistent pressure.
The Marauders continued dominating possession with Fabio shooting over twice from range. Another breakaway after a great through ball by Josh Moore (I think) and I’m in on goal, will all my wildest dreams come true, can it be, a goal on my return to the hallowed ground... the shot curls towards the far right corner, but No, their keeper doesn’t play his part and makes the save, parries it into the path of Mark who backed up brilliantly and coolly slotted home his and The Marauders second of the game. 2-0 @ 26:12.
More pressure applied up the flanks continue to win us corners that we cannot capitalise on. The ball falls to mark seemingly out of thin air (according to my patchy memory),he then squares it to me on the edge of the box, shooting on my first touch the ball curls away from the keeper and ricochets off the upright. Once again cruel fate intervenes and I’m left off the score sheet.
A whole bunch of stuff happened that didn’t involve me so I won’t waste your time telling you about it.
Half time – Oranges (on ice, mind you)
Nico took a Jerry Collins knee, a pee, (or a Ruth Aitkin’s son, a number one)at half time picking his spot beautifully, just where a bunch of little kids happen to be riding bikes. Wilson complements Fabio’s hair tie head band thingy, Fabio notes that he actually found it on the ground at Fortress Moonshine last week, I’d probably get tested for everything if I were you Fabio.
Second half begins with Mark missing the chance for early hat trick. On 49:12 The Marauders win a free kick from 20yards, Wilson lines it up, keeper saves.
Marauders presume continues, however, Porirua find a counter attack in them, slicing open the defence up the right. Calls of shoot it, pass it ring out from their aged back four, the pass it option wins out and its an easy tap in giving Josh in goal no chance. 2 – 1 @ 57:09.
In the 60th minute Cam unleashes a cross come shot this time with his prodigious left boot and hits the cross bar with the keeper well beaten (he just couldn’t jump that high). Marauders continue to apply pressure looking to restore out 2 goal buffer. Matt breaks down the right, Mark volleys coolly, ball deflects off defenders face and into the back of the net. 3 – 1 @ 62:14.
I apparently come ever closer to that elusive goal and force the keeper to push the ball over for corner. Fold note now states “tireless work from Casper” (I can assure you fold that I was incredibly tired) the ball then falls to cam, who crosses to Wilson unmarked at back post, who headers in coolly to make in 4-1 @ 69:51.
More Marauders pressure. Outstanding volley from Wooding from 20yards beats keeper, hits crossbar.
Another break by Porirua leads to a good old fashioned take down by one of our centre backs. Free kick from 24 yards. Wall begins to form, ref allows play to start when we weren’t even close to ready, it deflects off the shambolic wall and past Josh in goal. 4 – 2 @ 73:52.
Cam down left (an area he dominated in the second spell) squares the ball to Wooding who finishes coolly. Their keeper gets a big hand but can't keep it out. 5-2 @ 84:24.
Another through ball send my aleing legs (not a hang over reference) trough on goal, fail to find enough pace, space and grace and toe poke the thing over the goal whilst taking a wee shove in the back and performing a perfect commando roll in the glorious mud. Still not to be.
Another opportunity to falls my way and this time it seems my fairy tail would end happily ever after, but alas, I overrun Woodings square ball in my premature excitement (yes that is a sex reference).
And that was pretty much that for the day, the whistle finally blows for full time and another of my Marauders chapters came to a close as expected, without me on the score sheet. We make the customary trip to the pub for $8 jugs and to reminisce about team functions gone by, whilst trying to coax someone else into having one. Nick H steps up to the plate, more details on a theme etc in the banter I assume.
> Possession – Marauders 63% Porirua 37%
> Territory - Marauders 69% Porirua 31%
> Attendance 3
Fabio – Non regulation socks
Fabio – Incorrect Jersey (wearing number 10 – Dribble’s jersey)
Dribble – Incorrect Jersey (wearing 27 – Fabio’s jersey)
Mark – Hat trick
It was a pleasure gentlemen.
The Marauders Football Club