Match Report Marauders Vs Sunday Blazers
Sunday 19 July 2009
Venue: Upper Hutt College Football Stadium or UHCFS for Short.
The Upper Hutt Derby
LAMO (SCRATCHED) no pun intended
Mashed Matt (Late Withdrawl) Replaced by Footy Fongmeister
Pink Eye Pinckney (SCRATCHED)
Replaced by Talley Matthews
What is a derby???
A derby pronounced "dar-bee" in most of the English-speaking world and "dur-bee" in the US was first called upon at the Epsom racecourse in England the mother land (yes Wilson the mother land woooooo) with the inaugurated race in 1780. Probably the best-known example is the annual Kentuckey Derby, also home of our beloved Kentuckey Fried Chicken.
Pre match race action saw top qualifying jocks Lamo no pun intended, Mashed Matt and Pink Eye Pinkney failing to take the starting blocks. The Former potential frontrunner Lamo’s jockey Lightweight Sweedo being swept of his feet romantically, the ever threatening contender Mashed Matt for the numthennth time this season had to pull out with horse flu. A shame considering his early run of form clearly a case of falling off the horse and not getting back on it. Finally the withdrawl of Pink Eye Pinckney was expected after the multisport dual-athlete was last seen somewhere south of Dunedin almost two weeks ago and heading south. Searchers are still on standby!!!
To the main event and the horses performed their typical giddyups down the stables end of the paddock with a few loose balls flying in and around the area. The Derby drew a socio-economically diverse set of fans, ranging from Upper Hutt’s Classiest abode through to what one could only describe as a washed up Mall Santa who’s leaving gift was a loud trumpet (more on this later).
And they’re off. The paddock tended to stable-ize the ball clunking in the numerous hoof marks creating a serious bobbling effect. This made playing a Marauder Pure Bread style of the game quite difficult. The game of football was attempted by both teams in the first half however the conditions and the horses seeming to be caught up in the occasion resulted in a modified game of Kick-It being adapted. Much like normal football, Kick-It requires players to use their foot and head to move the ball down the pitch with the aim of putting the ball in between the opposition’s woodwork. However, unlike football there is no strategy other than hoof the ball down paddock smashing it out when required.
The highlights as we approached the halfway point saw both teams having a handful of chances with the best position in the race having Number 5 Marvellous Mark attempting to pull away from the rest with a break in the opposition box only to be caught up by the pack and no advantage really given.
As the halftime comments were exchanged no real new material was used, rather a best hits of the usual half time talk motivated the rest to do better. Wicked Wilson set the turning point alight with the finish line almost in sight. Defending Davey and Marvellous Mark seemed unusually quiet without giving the instructions of what the team needs to do in the form of a top twenty countdown in typical race horse commentary fashion. Clearly the occasion was too much for the rest of us.
The pace was set by the Blazers with Jesus featuring amongst a number of potentially threatening plays through the Marauders Defence. A Bolting Bolts (with a hangover to match) put any threat of a break away behind and Kick-it began to lose favour with football awakening only to run amuck on the paddock. With only 250 to go Talley Matthews caught the Blazers unaware and created a gap for Bruiser Bowie to pin the ears back and go for it, only to be brought down in controversial fashion. As this was in the opposition’s area in a resulting penalty was awarded.
A spot kick gave the Marauders a chance to take the lead and possibly the match. It was Destruction Dribble who was up to take the opportunity. Evil Santa began a chant of Blazers, Blazers, Blazers from the trumpet device but this proved no distraction as the opportunity was converted. The TAB was surely paying out in some form on number 10 as the finish line was clearly in sight. However, it was a late run from Talley Matthews who took the Derby with a illustrious outside channel run, followed by cutting in with too much place crossing the line with a classic finish. In doing so sealing the Match 2-0 to the Marauders.
Marauders through to the final Vs Tuskan Raiders after an upset win in the other Derby over the hill. Go Marauders all the way.
12,10,8,9,11,13,2,7,5 and 1 Failing to Finish 6 and 5 (strikers). Fridge had some time out but finished strongly in LAST PLACE
Any suggested fines may be made by order of the constitution.
The Marauders Football Club